For adults: How to talk to kids about war

Learning about the ongoing war in Ukraine can be stressful for adults, as we try to make sense of images of destruction and stories of families who have been harmed by the conflict.

Kids can feel afraid, angry, worried or helpless when war dominates headlines.

Those feelings are all OK. They can even be a good sign — evidence a child has empathy and cares for others. If channeled into action, those feelings can even do some good, psychologist Mary Alvord told the American Psychological Association.

Here are some tips — from psychologists, pediatricians and other experts — for talking to kids and teenagers about what’s happening in Ukraine.

Ask if they have questions

Odds are your child already has heard about the war in Ukraine. Let them know they can come to you with any questions.

Younger kids might want to know if their family or friends could get hurt, according to the American Psychological Association, while teenagers might have questions about nuclear war.

Try asking what your child knows, then provide useful context, like how far away the conflict is. Don’t feel like you need to cover everything in one conversation — focus on communicating to your child that you are available to talk when they are ready.

Prepare helpful answers

Your worries about the conflict might not be the same as your child’s. Let them guide the conversation.

There are some common questions children tend to ask about conflicts, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. A younger child might wonder, for example, if they could have done anything to stop the war from starting. Let them know this is a normal feeling — the American Academy of Pediatricians recommends trying, “we all wish that there was something we could have done,” — assure them it’s not their fault, and share that the U.S. is working to respond in a way that keeps us safe.

Some questions, especially from children who are directly affected by the war, won’t have easy answers. The American Psychological Association recommends saying things like, “We’re doing everything we can to find out, but we don’t know yet,” instead of blanket statements like “everything will be fine,” which don’t ring true.

Find ways to cope

It’s normal and natural to feel upset about war. One of the most effective ways to cope with a problem as big as war is to take action. This can help kids regain a sense of control.

Seek out stories about people who are helping Ukrainians, and give your child appropriate ways to help. Some ideas from the American Psychological Association include: drawing pictures or writing about peace, fundraising for charities or participating in peaceful demonstrations.

If you child seem very upset for several days, reach out to your doctor, school, or other trusted resource for additional support.