Iowa vs. Purdue prediction: Hlastradamus knows

Hlastradamus typically is given to a bit of boasting. You would brag, too, if you were 20-9 against the spread this season and had gone 4-1 last week with some utter brilliance.

Among the reasons the soothsayer gave for Iowa to cover the 1.5 points it was throwing against Penn State was this: A kooky crowd that tosses another few points of advantage the Hawkeyes’ way.

Well, duh.

Only Texas making a total mess of its fourth quarter against Oklahoma stood between Hlastradamus and a 5-0 card. Texas is a four-letter word, and Hlastradamus has reasons for avoiding the state ever since he fought alongside Davy Crockett at the Alamo.

Nonetheless, 20-9 is brag-worthy indeed. If you’d bet on each of the seer’s picks this season, you’ve probably been doing a lot of crowing yourself.

But the prophet echoes this week’s words of Iowa football coach Kirk Ferentz:

I have no idea how many Kentucky Derby winners won that were leading at halftime or the first whatever, however many, whatever. They go, one lap, right? It's a big-ass track, but you follow what I'm saying. So I don't know what the stats are on that but there's no prizes right now.

That’s right. We’ve got to finish the race. Or stop here, call it a 20-9 season, and surrender half a football season’s worth of page views.

Let’s proceed.

Iowa -11.5 vs. Purdue

Hlastradamus doesn’t see this as a sure-cover because Purdue plays defense, something it hasn’t been known for this millennium.

However, the Boilermakers have scored precisely 13 points in each of their last three games, against Notre Dame, Illinois and Minnesota. If you’re only hanging 13s on those teams, what are you going to against Iowa’s defense?

The sage says the Hawkeyes aren’t the types to rest on laurels, have emotional hangovers, or engage in any other of those stupid sports-media cliches after a team had a big win.

Iowa State -6.5 at Kansas State

This is quite a number on the road against a K-State team that played Oklahoma to the final horn its last time out.

Hlastradamus, however, says this is the beginning of a five-game stretch of the Cyclones whipping up on Big 12 opposition.

Cyclone running back Breece Hall is from Kansas. He has averaged 148 rushing yards in his last three games against Kansas teams. He knows where the holes are in that state.

Wisconsin -14 vs. Army

Get this: The three lowest-ranked passing offices out of the 130 in FBS are Air Force, Army and Navy. Army averages 3.2 completed passes per game.

Wisconsin may not be the Wisconsin we’ve come to know the last few decades, but it’s still good enough to dismantle the West Pointers.

Although, Bucky is only 115th in passing offense itself. Still, Army is coming off a 12-point loss at Ball State. This is what is known in the U.S. Army as free money. Soldiers, commence wagering!

Rutgers -2 vs. Northwestern

Rutgers’ last three games were against Michigan, Ohio State, and Michigan State. That will remind a team what it is and with whom it shares a division.

Northwestern isn’t Michigan, Ohio State or Michigan State. It’s a heck of a team in even-numbered years. This is 2021, and the Wildcats are a sad, sad story.

Rutgers is better. That’s all the analysis you mortals need, which is good, because that’s all you’re getting.

Nebraska -4.5 at Minnesota

Hlastradamus is tired, and trying to explain this pick is just too much right now.

Trust it, and wait for the seer to brag about it Saturday night.