How hot is it?

As David Letterman or Johnny Carson or any other late-night comedian often has said, "It was sooooo hot today that the short-order chefs were cooking on the sidewalk."

OK, that joke wasn't so hot. Unlike the weather in Cedar Rapids and the Midwest for the last two weeks. How hot has it been? The Gazette ran a list of tips to keep cool on its front page, the local AC repair people are working overtime and several schools in Eastern Iowa let students out early because of the lack of air conditioning and the heat.

I still recall the days in late May at Dunnellon (FL) Middle School when we were stuck in our non-air conditioned classrooms until 3:30. I also recall walking 10 miles barefoot through sandspurs to get to school.

The rain might have cooled things down for a couple of days, but the dog days of spring are definitely here. So, it's time for the Frozen Floridians to get their revenge for all those days during winter when the temperature failed to get above ZERO and the snow was a foot deep and the roads were covered with ice and we kept getting asked "So, how are you and your family surviving the winter?" That question usually was followed by a chuckle from someone wearing a T-shirt while I was wearing a flannel shirt, sweater and parka.

With that said, we're still waiting for it to get really hot and humid. The kind of weather where your shirt is soaking wet and sticking to you by the time you walk from the car to your office. The kind of weather where you set your watch by the daily afternoon thunderstorm. The kind of weather when you jump into your pool and it feels like a warm bath.

It might be pushing 90 around here, but the humidity is barely over the Mendoza line when it comes to being uncomfortable.

Still, we know that DAY is coming and we want to be good neighbors, so here are my tips -- culled from 40 years of living in Florida -- to help you keep from boiling and broiling:

* Stay indoors and crank up the AC. People didn't really start moving to Florida until Willis Haviland Carrier invented the electrical air conditioner and it became cheap and popular.

* Drink plenty of COLD drinks. The sign never says "Warm Beer" unless you're in Great Britain.

* Enjoy cool desserts that are as much fun to create as eat. And, the oven should not be turned on again until Labor Day weekend.

* Dress appropriately. Casual Friday becomes Casual Weekdays during the summer. It's even OK to wear flip-flops, although never in the White House.

* Think cool. This is basically mind over matter. If it helps, listen to Bob Marley, put on your favorite Hawaiian shirt and pretend you're on a tropical island. Better yet, pretend you're in the stands at Meadowlands Stadium for the 2014 Super Bowl.

And, of course, keep reminding yourself that in a few weeks, you'll be shoveling snow again.