Are you a mentor?

This editorial is part of our 2016 editorial focus, Building blocks: Working together to make our communities great places to live.

Think for a minute about what how you came to be the person you are today. Think about the choices you made. The lessons you learned. Your wildest successes. The times you failed and had to dust yourself off and try again.

Chances are that you're not standing alone in those recollections. During critical moments in our lives, most of us turn to someone we trust for guidance and support.

Be it a parent or relative, a teacher, a coach, a minister, a neighbor or other trusted adult, our mentors do more than give advice. They believe in us when we don't always believe in ourselves. They challenge us to do better. They show us a future that's larger than our present. They help us and cheer us on along our path. They show us that we matter.

Any parent will tell you there never can be too many such positive role models in a child or teenager's life. Unfortunately, too many of our Eastern Iowa youth have too few.

That's where you come in.

Earlier this month, The Gazette editorial board held a discussion with several dozen representatives from youth mentoring programs in Cedar Rapids. The purpose of our discussion was to learn more about what programs are available, who they are reaching, and to identify untapped resources and pinpoint unmet needs. Although each program was unique, they shared a common challenge. Almost without exception they told us they need many more people to step up to volunteer as mentors. Many told us they had waiting lists of children who would flourish with the help and support of a mentor, but no mentors to match them with.

They told us there is an especially acute need for mentors who are men, and who have diverse ethnicities, ages and backgrounds. They described a variety of needs: Tutors to help with school work; adults to teach a cooking class, explain a household budget, or teach another other life skill; career-oriented mentors; mentors who have similar experiences to the youth they are mentoring; mentors who are in it for the long haul.

WHY IS MENTORING IMPORTANT?

Research shows that the stable influence of even just one caring adult can transform the life of a child at risk of failing in school or getting into trouble with the law.

Mentors show children and teens that they are valued. They bring different perspectives and experiences. They help them see, and seize, opportunities.

As Kids on Course Program Leader Beth Malicki put it: 'These children need, and deserve, long-term commitments from people who can support what they really need: a vision of a future filled with hope.”

'They get to see how life is outside the neighborhood,” said Ishmael Tureaud, director of the Henry Davidson Youth Center.

Mentoring relationships help kids make strong and positive connections to school, peers and their community, says Tonya Hotchkin, program coordinator for Tanager Place's Together We Achieve program.

'The influence a mentor has on empowering children to reach their potential is endless,” Hotchkin said.

Mentors also benefit from the relationship, the group told us. In fact, the best mentoring relationships are a benefit to mentor and mentee, alike.

And there are larger, communitywide benefits to mentoring youths with pro-social messages and support. Mentoring connects youths to their community in a positive way. It builds relationships, trust and understanding between people who otherwise may never have even met. They make our community stronger.

WHAT MAKES A MENTOR?

Mentors don't have to be perfect or possess superhuman qualities to have a positive impact on a young person. The two primary qualities of a good mentor, the group agreed, are commitment and compassion.

Mentors must be willing to listen. They must care about their mentee and be willing to meet them where they are.

'Instill confidence and encourage self-identity,” says Linda Topinka, a retired social worker and mental health practitioner. 'Be willing to share your shortcomings.”

'Encouragement from an adult and having someone who is listening to them with their undivided attention is huge for students,” says school district community relations supervisor Marcia Hughes. 'I have found that the most successful mentors are good listeners and caring role models who are genuinely interested in young people. They also understand the importance of making a commitment that allows the relationship to develop over time.”

A good mentor either has experience that relates to the challenges their mentee is facing at home, at school, with peers and in their own development, or an in-depth understanding and respect for those challenges, said Steve Springer, board member of the Henry Davidson Youth Center. They have the patience to guide their mentee through conversation and example, rather than trying to direct their behavior. They must be 'committed to the cause and willing to carry through to the end.”

CLOSER TO PERFECT

In a perfect world, every child would have at least one trusted adult they could turn to for help and guidance. There would be an endless supply of mentors eager to help our young people see the bigger picture, explore their interests and expand their opportunities. No child would grow up without a deep and steady sense of purposefulness and hope.

Children in need of guidance wouldn't have to wait for an adult to step forward. Childhood is far too short for that. The stakes are much too high.

Click here for a list of youth mentoring opportunities in Cedar Rapids.

' Gazette editorials reflect the consensus opinion of The Gazette Editorial Board. Share your comments and ideas with us: (319) 398-8469; editorial@thegazette.com