Your can't spell Super Committee without F-A-I-L

This week, the president pardoned a fat turkey also known as the congressional Super Committee.

It's going to a nice farm, or maybe a petting zoo, where it can live out its days preening for cameras and cackling its non-mating calls: “Tax Increases!” “Entitlement cuts!” “This is all your fault. Is not ...”

Its failure is not much of a surprise. In fact, many lesser-known Super Committees have failed before. A few examples:

Snooze Button vs. Exercise Super Committee - The panel convened at 6 a.m. and met every 10 minutes after that, to no avail. Members vowed to do better tomorrow.

Where Do You Wanna Eat Super Committee - One committee member said Mexican sounded good, but another had a burrito for lunch. Chinese, pizza and burgers were all rejected as the committee drove around aimlessly in tense silence.

Super Committee on Why You Never Listen - Panel made up of half parents, half useless kids, reached no agreement. It was like the parents were talking to a brick wall, with rolling eyes.

Bride/Mother Super Committee - Disputes over a buffet vs. a sit-down reception dinner just basically ruined everything. Both sides hope the other is happy.

It's Your Turn to Get Up With the Baby Super Committee - One member who clearly hears the baby crying proposes that it's another committee member's turn to get up. But a tense impasse develops when that member pretends to be asleep.

Super Committee on Four-Way Stops - An eastbound committee member is just sure it's a southbound member's turn to go. Two others disagreed. Soon, they abandoned their vehicles and set out on foot.

Somebody's Wrong on the Internet Super Committee - Some members of the committee couldn't believe anyone could be that wrong, while others decided that they couldn't let it go. Another faction was dumbstruck that something so simple was misunderstood. Then it got personal.

That's Not What I Said At All Super Committee - Yes, it is. Well, it's not what I meant. Whatever.

Super Committee on Thermostats - Although one committee member professed to be “boiling,” another claims to be “freezing to death.” A proposal for sweater-wearing was flatly rejected.

Super Committee on Straightness - One panelist insists the Christmas tree is leaning left. That's just crazy, according to another member.

I Hate This Song Super Committee - Hatred of this incessant song was met with a tepid but curiously persistent defense. The absolutely horrible/sort of catchy song soon ended without compromise.

Do You Want to Go Super Committee - I do if you do. Arghhh.