Why Stop At Clunkers?

Congress is poised to extend the wildly popular "Cash for Clunkers" program, which gives rebates of up to $4,500 to folks who trade in old, fuel-efficiency-challenged vehicles and buy new, fuel-efficient ones.

But why stop there?

1. Cash for Lunkers -- Anglers can trade the fish they catch for coupons that can be used at local seafood restaurants or grocery store seafood counters. Trade that carp for a nice salmon steak. Everyone wins.

2. Cash for Drunkards -Trade cans or bottles of "subpremium" beer and spirits for rebates that can be used to buy pricey imports, microbrews and single malts.  This economy is flattening premium booze sales. The president has called a beer summit to discuss the crisis.   

3.Cash for Chunkers -- Shed some pounds and get a big fat check, it's that simple. Call it health care reform.

4. Cash for Spelunkers -- Trade that money pit of a house for a nice, energy efficient cave. Never lose sleep over severe weather again.

5. Pennies for Pundits --Bring in pundits, experts, strategists, columnists, bloggers etc. and the government will give you a dime for every dozen. They'll be relocated to a nice moon of Jupiter.