Weekend hangover - Legislative last call

Before the 2012 Iowa Legislature's session ended last week, lawmakers approved far-reaching, landmark legislation allowing bars and restaurants to create infused liquor blends for use in cocktails.

Maybe you disagree with "landmark," but I bet you've never tasted bacon-infused bourbon. Neither have I, but it is now possible, thanks to our adventurous, thirsty legislators.

That got me thinking, admittedly while drinking, what sort of cocktails did the 2012 session inspire?

A few possibilities.

The Property Tax Reform -- Fill your best, most hopeful glass with a healthy pour of 34-year-old Scotch. Swirl it in the light. Admire its potent possibilities. Sniff its bouquet. Think how great it will be to finally drink it in after all these decades sitting on a shelf. Raise the glass slowly, haltingly toward your lips. Then stop. Dump it, and go home. Add several dashes of bitterness.

Education Reform Rickey -- Omit the booze, mixers, garnish, ice and glass. Wait a year.

Gas Taxitini -- Place good-quality gin and a hint of vermouth in a cocktail shaker with ice. Drive down an aging, crumbling Iowa roadway, shaking, bouncing and jolting vigorously. Serve in a deep pothole.

Red Rushin' -- Speed to the liquor store. Run a red light. Say cheese.

Banhattan -- Mix together whatever it is these damn reckless kids are doing these days along with several shots of adult astonishment. Scowl deeply. Shake your head vigorously. Pour into the Iowa criminal code.

San-no-agree-a -- Mix grudges, gripes, swipes, accusations and partisan bickering with whine. Spin. Spin some more. Serve on the campaign trail, red hot.