The Week — Cruz news amuses and Hoosiers take culture war to overtime

CRUZ DOMINATES NEWS. SOME ENTHUSED. OTHERS AMUSED. BUT WILL HE LOSE WHEN IOWANS CHOOSE?

It was U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz's very big week. The Texan formally announced his candidacy for president, making him the very first toe-dipper to take the plunge. A list of 216 Republicans still are considering a run, or a book tour.

Cruz will be in Iowa next week, for some reason.

It's an unwritten rule in American politics that the first candidate in the race always wins. This is known as the 'Vilsack Rule” named after President Tom Vilsack, who was the first announced candidate in the 2008 campaign and is just now completing his second term. In a parallel universe.

Cruz's announcement had something for everyone.

His supporters enjoyed the impressive optics of Cruz announcing his candidacy in front of 11,000 bright-eyed students at Liberty University. He looked like a rock star!

His critics enjoyed the fact that his speech took place during a convocation session Liberty students are required to attend, with a $10 fine for skipping it. Freedom! And some of those students took to the anonymous social media app Yik Yak to pan the mandatory nature of this historic moment.

He looked like a rock star we're required to listen to or be fined!

His video was stirring! And it was pretty much just a bunch of stock photos!

But he did raise $1 million in a hurry. So bite it, haters.

And why all the long faces over Cruz's announcement when, as some noted, he's sorta like President Obama, who sent a tingle up so many lamestream legs? Cruz is a senator running for president after just a couple of years in Washington. He went to Harvard. He's got some crazy guy running around railing about his birth in a foreign land.

Cruz even sounds like Obama.

'We're not a collection of red states and blue states. We're actually red states, some very red states, states that really should be red, states where the redistricting process can be used to make them a lot redder and blue states that we can't do anything about and should just basically pretend are no longer part of the country. And that country is the United States of America.”

OK, he did not say that. But he's free to borrow it. No charge.

So how will Cruz do in Iowa? Well, we've seen a lot of candidates over the years preaching Cruz's brand of crusading cultural conservatism. The most successful was former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who won the caucuses in 2008. Yes, Rick Santorum also rode the rails of righteousness to victory in 2012. But it took two weeks to figure that out, so the sparkling apple cider of his great victory went flat.

Huckabee circa 2008 was likable. He was funny and charming and his truly humble roots gave his economic message an appealing, unique populist twang. He wasn't your rich boss' Republican. For young social conservatives, in particular, Huckabee was that cool, guitar-riffing youth pastor who might just be president.

Cruz doesn't strike me as Huckabee likable. Although neither does 2016 Huckabee. That's what appearing regularly on cable news does to you. It hardens a man.

But likability ain't what it used to be. Now, it's far more important for a candidate to display an ability to drive the other side of the political battlefield to a perpetual state of foaming outrage. So, actually, Cruz could be the guy. He's got skills.

Soon, we'll see for our own eyes. Cruz will make a stop at 2:30 p.m. Thursday for a town hall meetin' at the Best Western Long Branch on the porous, unguarded Marion-Cedar Rapids border. And yes, I'm afraid attendance is mandatory. Otherwise, Cruz has vowed to shut down the buffet.

Nah. Just pulling your fried chicken leg.

INDIANA KEEPS GAY RIGHTS DEBATE ALIVE. YOU'RE WELCOME GOP

Some Republicans have come to the conclusion that pounding the big drum on social issues such as gay marriage has become a political loser. The big tent is steadily becoming a pup tent.

Letting people live their lives and raise families is, get this, conservative. Besides, marriage equality is a rising political tide. Discrimination is a stone weight. The young kids have embraced gay rights. Pushing back against such a historic march forward on civil rights makes the GOP look old and cranky. More than a few smart Iowa Republicans hold this viewpoint.

In some orthodox GOP circles, these folks get called RINOs, Republicans in Name Only. I actually think WINO is more accurate. Winning National Elections is Neat-O!

Again, fell free to borrow. Or not.

And with the U.S. Supreme Court seemingly poised to make marriage equality the law of the land, WINOs likely were thinking smooth sailing ahead. So long, albatross.

Yeah, well, not exactly.

This week. Indiana became the latest state to enact a law backers say is intended to protect the religious freedom of individuals and businesses against government actions that might compel them to defy their beliefs. Critics contend what the law really does is provide a legal license for folks or firms seeking to discriminate against gays and lesbians with religion as an excuse.

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence says poppycock. It won't lead to discrimination, although an amendment offered to the bill spelling that out was rejected by Republicans. And he's so proud of the new law that he signed it in a private ceremony closed to the public and press. Only bill supporters were invited.

I hope there was cake, baked voluntarily in accordance with faith traditions.

Legal experts do seem to disagree on whether the bill will actually have much impact. Some point out it's far broader than the federal law backers say served as a model, applying not only to individuals but to businesses and groups.

But let's dispense with the legalities and pleasantries.

The timing of Indiana's law and similar debates in other states, coming just as marriage equality rapidly expands across the country, underscores the true intent. Maybe this bill and others don't expressly give anyone the right to discriminate, but that's where many supporters want to go. They want to live and work in legal bubbles that progress and equality can't bust.

Just when the war was all but lost, our culture warriors are launching a last ditch offensive. The Battle of the Bubbles. A losing hand, but still a few low cards are left to play.

But hey, that's great news for social conservatives in Iowa, where the marriage debate had all but flickered out. Thanks to Indiana, et al, they've got a fresh reason to press the issue with caucus hopefuls.

Polish off the litmus test. Unpack the pledges. The wedge is back!

And that's bad news for Republicans hoping for a campaign that might convince a large, diverse nation the GOP wants to lead it to the future, not chase the future out of its yard.

We'll see how it plays out. But I'd advise all the presidential hopefuls in Iowa to take a good look around before they start spewing acrimony over matrimony. If they keep their eyes open, they'll see how equality has been overwhelmingly positive here. All the doom and gloom about pastors in jail and bigamy and social decline proved to be phony baloney.

In Iowa, the future turns six very soon. You're all invited. Maybe we should order cake.