The Week — A King assails the Supremes and stubborn, corn-loving Iowans shrug at a famous professor.

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT ‘EM, STRIP ‘EM

The legal arguments for allowing states to ban same-sex marriage are weaker than church basement coffee. If you don't believe me, just ask U.S. Rep. Steve King.

King celebrated the approach of Tuesday's Supreme Court arguments over marriage equality by filing legislation he calls the 'Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act.”

I'll let his news release explain:

'My bill strips Article III courts of jurisdiction, and the Supreme Court of appellate jurisdiction, ‘to hear or decide any question pertaining to the interpretation of, or the validity under the Constitution of, any type of marriage.' Second, my bill provides that ‘[n]o federal funds may be used for any litigation in, or enforcement of any order or judgment by, any court created by an Act of Congress.'”

This is truly brave stuff.

It's yet another example of the great, rugged American tradition of scrappy folks facing long odds digging deep down inside themselves to find a cynical political ploy sure to get a ton of ink and a slot in Fox News. When the going gets tough, the tough strip jurisdiction.

It's like the great Knute Rockne once said, 'If we find ourselves too far behind boys, let's get out there and move those goal posts for the Gipper.”

Cue the 'Battle Hymn …”

King's a smart guy. He's witnessed his side unleash the firepower of its legal minds on marriage, only to see one of those 'Bang!” flags pop out of the barrel, again and again. Its case, held together with chewing gum and Laffy Taffy, can't even be depended upon to win over a conservative Supreme Court. The only way to win is rig the game.

King also preached to a choir gathered for last weekend's Faith & Freedom Forum that he favors eliminating all federal courts below the Supreme Court. And he doesn't think the Supreme Court needs nine justices. And no more robes. Barrels, and propeller beanies.

The Chief Justice 'would get his own card table with his own candle, working pro bono,” King said, before adding, 'And just one lump of coal! Bah! Humbug!”

So federal courts bad. It wasn't all that long ago that King was assailing Iowa's state Supreme Court, which overturned a ban on same-sex marriage in 2009. That's back when Bob Vander Plaats was running for governor, insisting that a governor could nullify court rulings with an executive order. King said the Iowa ruling would make the state a 'gay Mecca.”

Instead, as far as I can tell, it's become a Mecca for 'Freedom” forums and summits, where people get together to talk about making 'those” people less free. You know who.

So this Play-Doh Fun Factory of judicial nonsense has been spouting nonstop for years. And, unfortunately, not even a Supreme Court ruling in favor of equality will shut it down. King and his allies will keep cranking away, for fun and profit.

But it's getting weaker by the day. A no amount of Sweet & Low can mask the bitterness.

POLL OF THE WEEK - TROUBLE IN RIVER CITY.

Public Policy Polling, with three Ps, all of which rhyme with T, brought us some troubling news this week.

A whopping 80 percent of 1,219 Iowans polled have no opinion of Prof. Harold Hill, while 12 percent have a favorable view and 8 percent are no fans of the con-man turned Band man in 'The Music Man,” set in River City, Iowa, and written by Iowa's own Meredith Willson.

Seventy-six trombones? Marian the librarian? Ring a bell?

OK, OK, it debuted in 1957. Still, 81 percent of those polled age 65 and older had no opinion in Hill. His highest unfavorable was among 18-29 year olds, at 13 percent. But he also was the most popular with that age group, with 16 percent favorable.

Hill is more popular among Democrats, 16 percent thumbs up, than Republicans, 11 percent. I wonder what would happen if the poll didn't call him 'professor?”

The PPP poll also shows that Corn remains wildly popular in Iowa. It beats Terry Branstad by 30 points. Jack Hatch should have campaigned as an ear of corn. Hindsight.

Seventy-four percent of Iowans polled have a favorable view of corn, with 9 percent reporting an unfavorable view and 18 percent not sure. Nearly one in 10 Iowans, walking among us, disliking corn. And we're almost knee-high in Iowans who don't know where they stand, corn-wise.

Corn is a uniter, not a divider, popular among both Obama voters and Romney voters, men and women, and all ages. It is most popular, 80 percent favorable, among Iowans 46-65, but drops to 64 percent over age 65.

The bad news is, PPP reports that Iowans don't favor corn as much as Wisconsin residents love cheese, which has a 80/5 favorable/unfavorable spread in the Badger State.

PPP also polled Iowans on a bunch of politicians and vital issues. If you're into that kind of stuff, go here.