Summer’s swarm of warnings

Ah, summer.

Sweet corn, tomatoes and a swarm of media reports and official warnings on all the ways summer can snuff us out like a citronella candle.

Summertime, and yet again, we're living uneasy.

Maybe you're thinking about going for a hike without first applying sunscreen to take a selfie with a bison. Bad idea. And you can't say the media and government didn't warn you.

Today's threat, if our weather forecast holds, will be the 'heat index,” a combo of heat and humidity that's the summer equivalent to the overhyped winter wind chill factor.

Hot enough for you? It's even hotter than you think!

Back in the day, it simply got really hot. Sometimes, it was so hot my hometown newspaper would take a photo of a bank sign showing the remarkable temperature, usually above 100. Nobody ever took a picture of the heat index.

We played Little League games no matter how hot it got. A beat-up water fountain at the end of the dugout was connected to a garden hose. Now, my kids carry pricey water bottles the size of artillery shells to remain fully hydrated at all times.

We lived in a dark, dehydrated age. We should have been much more vigilant. I'm surprised we're still alive.

Now, I'm wondering whether I'll get flesh-eating Vibrio vulnificus bacteria from eating undercooked shellfish, or perhaps the brain-infecting Naegleria fowleri from inadvertently snorting lake water. It won't make much difference if I‘m added to the higher-than-usual number of people who have been struck by lightning this year.

All of these dangers are very, very rare, but your hamburger had better not be, buster. And where's your potato salad thermometer?

If you're uncertain as to whether your food is safe to eat, you may want to play it safe. Simply feed it to that hungry urban coyote stalking your backyard, eyeing your Yorkie.

Don't forget disease-carrying mosquitoes, and ticks. The Iowa Department of Public Health recommends avoiding wooded areas and tall grass where ticks can be found. Otherwise 'wear long-sleeved shirts and long, light-colored pants tucked into socks or boots.” The good news is you'll be totally tick-free when you succumb to the heat index.

Wild parsnip is a new addition to my own personal summer anxiety closet. I had never heard of it until a crusty angler sipping a Natural Light along South Bear Creek in Winneshiek County warned me to watch out for it. Now, I'm seeing it everywhere.

The plant's sap, apparently, makes your skin hypersensitive to the sun, leaving you vulnerable to a really bad, blistering sunburn. Your best defense is a HAZMAT suit, SPF 10,000.

If you're wondering about that bison selfie, the park service reports five people have been injured this summer at Yellowstone National Park in encounters with buffalo. A 43-year-old Mississippi woman was tossed by a bison last week after turning her back on the beast while trying to take a selfie. Luckily, she suffered only minor injuries.

It's enough to make a guy stay indoors and follow the presidential campaign. Suddenly, a wild parsnip burn doesn't seem so bad.

l Comments: (319) 398-8452; todd.dorman@thegazette.com