Pledge allegiance, or get lost

OK, Republican caucus campaign staffers, repeat after me.

'I (state your name) pledge allegiance to the First-In-the-Nation Iowa caucuses, and solemnly swear to effusively praise its glorious virtues, and defend it against all enemies foreign or domestic.

'I swear that U.S. Rep. Steve King is a courageous, misunderstood genius.

'I swear that ethanol is the sweet, sweet elixir of American greatness.

'I swear that I will say nothing in private, public or online that I could not say to an overflow crowd at the Sioux Center Pizza Ranch.

'So help me God.”

Call it the 'Liz Mair Pledge.”

Mair was, briefly, online communications chief for GOP presidential aspirant Scott Walker, the governor of Wisconsin. Mair is no shrinking violet when it comes to this online communications thing. Her Twitter feed is a free-flowing river of provocative political punches. She's mastered a medium that demands quick wit, swinging elbows and sharp snark.

Trouble is, a few of her snarknadoes hit some Iowa trailer parks.

'In other news, I see Iowa is once again embarrassing itself, and the GOP, this morning. Thanks, guys,” she tweeted as GOP hopefuls lined up to speak at Rep. King's 'Freedom Summit.” Mair doesn't think King's immigration demagoguery is good for her party. Go figure.

'The sooner we remove Iowa's front-running status, the better off American politics and policy will be,” she tweeted a little later. Ouch. Another Mair tweet poked Iowa as 'government-dependent” due to ethanol and ag subsidies.

Mair's GOP politics aren't exactly conventional. She's supportive of legal same-sex marriage, for example. But she wasn't hired as policy adviser.

So Republican Party of Iowa Chairman Jeff Kauffmann and others blasted Mair while suggesting Walker should fire her. He did, swiftly.

Live by the snark, die by the snark, I suppose. Still, what Mair typed isn't exactly blasphemy. Plenty of Republicans, including some in Iowa, agree.

The notion that a candidate can't hire a skilled staffer because she once dissed Iowa or King or ethanol is a ridiculous standard. Enforcing it with an iron fist makes us look petty and spoiled. Our skin should be much thicker.

I, too, bristle at outsiders who get Iowa dead wrong. And it happens, plenty.

But let's be honest, we Iowans also do a fair amount of caucus mythmaking. We like to paint it up like a Norman Rockwell lithograph, when stuff like Kent Sorenson's pay-for-support odyssey actually screams 'House of Cards.” Heck, last time, it took the GOP two weeks to figure out who won. Not a pretty picture.

I think this episode also shows that our ambitious neighbor, the too-eager Badger, needs to find that famous union-busting, liberal-thumping spine he's told us so much about. Iowans like an enthusiastic, hardworking candidate, but they can also smell one a mile away who wants it just a little too much.

Walker is starting to look like the latter, and his quick jettisoning of Mair is the latest example. Buckling to badgering isn't exactly presidential.

So be cautious staffers. The snark stops here. Or else.

l Comments: (319) 398-8452; todd.dorman@thegazette.com