Please, Mr. President

I'm as excited as anyone about President Bush's flood tour of Eastern Iowa. But I still think it's worth giving the president some tips on what he should avoid saying as he speaks with locals.

Here are the top 5 things I hope the president does not say:

5. "I think ol' Gov. Chetie is doing a heckuva job."

4. "So I hear 20 percent of Cedar Rapids is floodimated. Heck, that's not even up to my approval rating."

3. "Folks look a little glum around here, so I'm immediately dispatching Vice President Cheney to cheer everyone up."

2. "The fact that there has been virtually no lootifying here is just more proof that the surge is working."

1. "Sure, the doubters and pessimisticists may look at all the work ahead and get discouraged, but I have three words for them -- mission accomplished."

OK, OK, I know. But it's been days since I delivered a cheap shot at a politician. Don't want to get rusty.