No stogies with your bogeys?

So they're coming after the puffing duffers.

Last week, the city's Parks, Waterways and Recreation Commission voted 9-0 to ban the use of nicotine in all of its traditional and electronic forms in the city's parks, trails, recreational venues and even its four golf courses. The proposal moves on to a City Council committee, which could send it on to the full council for a vote.

It would be more than a little ironic if the council now carpet-bombs outdoor nicotine after city leaders spent the better part of two years lobbying for a casino that would have allowed its patrons to smoke themselves blue, indoors. Not withstanding the mayor's ill-fated attempt, after losing that fight, to switch to a smoke-free casino.

But I digress. And don't get me wrong. I'm not entirely anti-nanny. I can appreciate laws and ordinances aimed at stopping my bad personal behavior from harming others. Speed limits and drunken driving laws jump to mind.

So does Iowa's ban on indoor public puffing, sold by its backers, not as an assault on smokers, but as a way of protecting non-smoking patrons and employees from the health risks of inhaling secondhand smoke. It's worked well. And if you smoke, you can always go outdoors.

Or maybe not. I'm an infrequent golfer who enjoys an infrequent cigar while slicing and hacking with the few friends who can still stand me, or who have time for such nonsense. The notion that my cigar, smoldering on a vast golf course, while I stand in the deepest rough, is a public health threat is as improbable as me breaking par.

But this isn't really a broad societal benefit ordinance. This is Bubble Wrap government. This is a city trying to protect me from myself. Don't worry Todd, we'd never let Todd hurt you.

They'll still permit me to haul my sedentary butt around in a golf cart, stuff my face with hot dogs and fill my gut with cheap American lager, but, clearly, they're keenly concerned about my health. Perhaps pedal carts, kale smoothies and tofu dogs will be along presently.

But, of course, if I had the ways and means to join one of the area's reputable private country clubs, I doubt anyone is going to take issue with my stogie. After all, what's a captain of industry without a vice or two? A crushing bore, I say.

But for the less-affluent aficionados of public golf, with bags full of used balls, found tees and who have a pitiful weakness for naughty nicotine, a good old public scolding and a $50 fine are in order. Sorry, old sport.

It reminds me of luxury boxes at Kinnick Stadium, where the well-heeled can raise a single-malt, or three, to the Hawkeyes, but the rabble can't be trusted to buy a beer.

OK, so this Cedar Rapids ordinance isn't going to ruin my life, or make it any longer. As I said, I don't golf much.

Still, once government starts buying Bubble Wrap in bulk, it's going to be looking hard for more ways to use it. If protecting us from ourselves is the standard for taking action, there's really no end to the protecting we need.

But I guess some people are just better, smarter and far more capable of knowing what's truly best for us. I can't wait to see what they come up with next.

l Comments: (319) 398-8452; todd.dorman@thegazette.com