‘Do those 2 boys think I abandoned them?’

No one questions that children sometimes must be removed from their parents to keep the children safe.

That's why, when Char Eubanks' grandsons were taken from their parents in December 2008, she opened her Dubuque home to take care of "her boys."

Derek, now 5, and Dalton, 4, had lived with her off and on all their lives anyway, Eubanks told me. This time, they'd stay with her for nearly a year while their mother tried to get her act together.

They stayed until a state Department of Human Services worker received a report that Eubanks' husband, Tim, allegedly was using drugs. He was asked to take a drug test. He refused.

Eubanks says she doesn't allow drugs in her home. She says the boys were not tested to see if they were exposed to drugs - and none of the court documents I reviewed claim otherwise. Still, when the worker told her she had to choose - her husband or the kids - she filed for divorce.

It was too late to prevent DHS from placing the two boys with another foster family, citing in court documents their concerns "regarding Char's ability to provide safety and stability for Dalton and Derrick as a relative placement."

Eubanks had done a poor job of following through on her agreements with DHS about the boys' care, the caseworker wrote, citing stressful visits and allegations of poor supervision.

That didn't stop the state from issuing Eubanks a foster care license - a process she underwent specifically so she could adopt her grandsons once it became clear they wouldn't be going back to their parents.

In April 2010, even though Eubanks was approved as a foster parent and her divorce was legal, the DHS in Dubuque chose another family to foster, and eventually adopt, the boys.

Their primary concern at that time, according to court documents, was that Eubanks didn't appreciate how great a danger her bipolar son, now 28, posed to his children and wouldn't do enough to prevent him from seeing them.

On appeal, a judge ruled there was nothing contradictory about the state licensing Eubanks to take care of other children in need, but not her own grandsons.

"I'm just sick about the whole mess. I cry every night," Eubanks says. "Do those two little boys think I abandoned them?"

It's little consolation that she's not alone.

In several months of talking with Iowans about their experiences with DHS, several people told me they've become licensed foster parents specifically to adopt relatives in need of assistance - only to be told their household "wasn't a good fit" for their kin.

Take Victoria Rodgers, of O'Fallon, Ill., who tried to foster and then adopt her niece, Karee, when it became clear her twin brother, Victor, of Cedar Rapids, wasn't going to be allowed custody of his daughter - as I described in Saturday's column.

Victoria Rodgers has no children of her own. She has never been arrested, has a stable place to live and a good job working as a full-time cook for kids at an Illinois residential treatment facility. She fulfilled foster parent requirements and passed home studies required for placing children. There was every indication she could provide a stable, loving home for Karee.

In October, when Rodgers was interviewed by Iowa DHS adoption specialists, they noted they were concerned by "Ms. Rodgers' insufficient information regarding her brother's legal issues and the risks that he would potentially pose to the child if allowed access to the child or to care for the child."

On Oct. 14, she received a letter signed by a DHS adoption specialist. It read: "Dear Ms. Rodgers: An adoption staffing was recently held to match the family who would best meet the need of Karee Robinson. While your family was given careful consideration and many strengths were noted, another family was selected.

"We want to thank you for responding and we encourage you to continue your interest in special needs adoption," the letter read.

"Your home study will continue to be available for consideration for other children."

In other words, the adoption team felt Rodgers would make a fine foster or adoptive parent, her home a safe one for a child in need. She just wasn't the right fit for her own flesh and blood.