Column -- Post Vacation Catch Up

After a week of vacation, including a trek to my wife's homeland for her high school reunion, I'm trying to catch up.

I could spin an entertaining yarn about what I witnessed at that reunion. But I'm duty bound to uphold the oath that what happens at the Red Hawk Country Club in Pinckneyville, Ill, must forever stay there.

Instead, I'll plow through some of the stuff I missed.

Econo-County? - The state wouldn't bankroll Linn County's $12 million move back to its old neighborhood, prompting the Board of Supervisors to commission a $39,000 study on what it would cost to stick with Steve & Barry's/Linn West. Now, the spacious former home of Econofoods on the north side has entered the picture. Who will win Linn's hand?

It's hard to argue with the allure of I-380 access, spacious parking and perhaps double coupon days. But will the county take Econofoods seriously? Would the city and school district join in? The optimist in me says it's a solution worth exploring. The cynic says forget it, the fix is in. The cynic is usually right.

A majority of supervisors still have eyes only for a souped-up Administrative Office Building. And unless the study detects an oil field or vein of platinum under Linn West, that won't change.

Vander Plaats is in - Republican Bob Vander Plaats formally joined the race for governor last week. And he quickly made it clear that he will not pick some squishy moderate to be his running mate and balance his conservative views. There will be a “No Moderates Allowed” sign on his clubhouse, evidently.

Why stop there? Perhaps Vander Plaats should issue an executive order forcing Middletown, Middle Amana, Center Point, Centerville and any other centrist-sounding towns to be renamed. He can impose a special tax on all items marked “medium,” “M” or “grande.” Birth certificates would no longer include middle names and state highways don't need centerlines.

Get the picture, you average-loving fence-sitters? Hit the bricks.

Handshakes In a Time of H1N1 - So handshakes may be socially verboten once H1N1 flu hits full-strength. So how will polite society function?

I've found that deep, dramatic bowing is an effective icebreaker. I always tip my antiviral hood to ladies I encounter and writing “pleased to meet you” across my face mask has diffused many an awkward moment. A leaflet drop from 20,000 feet is another way to communicate affection without getting too darn close.

It's common sense, people.