Column: Learn the facts about child sex abuse

It leaves you with a sick, sinking feeling -- the allegation that a former Iowa City elementary school guidance counselor sexually abused an 11-year-old student in his care.

Police think former Lemme and Grant Wood school guidance counselor Donald L. Clark, 41, abused the boy during the 2003-04 school year. They've arrested Clark on suspicion of second-degree sexual abuse and are investigating the possibility of other victims.

Child sexual abuse is deeply disturbing, especially when the alleged abuser is a trusted adult.

So maybe it's natural to look for answers in an attempt to regain our equilibrium. Maybe that's what drives the rumors that run rampant in cases like these.

But water cooler conjecture is irrelevant. Police, prosecutors and a judge determine whether there's evidence to bring a charge. A jury decides guilt or innocence. There is little point in the rest of us playing Nancy Drew.

What we can do is support survivors and try to protect the children we love. That means educating ourselves and talking to our kids.

Researchers think one girl in five and one boy in 10 in this country will be victims of sexual abuse before they turn 18. Some say the numbers are higher -- many children are afraid to tell anyone about the abuse for years, if ever.

Most of us have mental pictures of what a pedophile should look like -- a creepy, unkempt stranger lurking around the playground or toy store.

Some child predators fit that mold, but most don't. In fact, children know their abusers about 90 percent of the time.

Usually, abusers are a relative or trusted adult -- like a family friend, baby sitter or neighbor.

That means it's not enough to teach our children not to talk to strangers. We also must teach them they have the right to tell others "no" if they try to touch them inappropriately -- no matter who it is.

We have to teach kids it's OK to disobey an authority figure who tells them to do something wrong. We have to teach them to tell us if any adult acts inappropriately.

And we have to listen if, God forbid, a child does come to us with a story of abuse.

There is a lot more to know -- check out this guide on the Iowa City School District's Web site: www.iccsd.k12.ia.us/crisis/Lemme/ information.pdf Or attend the information session Thursday from 7 to 9 p.m. at City High's Opstad Auditorium.

No one wants to think about child sexual abuse.

But we have to arm ourselves with facts if we're to keep kids safe.