Column: Happy Everything!

It isn't always easy to navigate the Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays minefield.

So you look for clues before you let loose with hearty regards for the season.

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer sweater? Merry Christmas! Candles for the menorah in the shopping cart? Happy Hanukkah! No neon flashing indication of holiday preference? Well then, Happy Holidays!

As sentiments go, Happy Holidays is pretty imperfect, a little like trying to carry on a conversation with people when you can't remember their names.

It's a way of saying: “Look, I'm not a barbarian. I appreciate the rich cultural tapestry of our community, even though I don't know much about you, specifically.”

It also ignores the simple truth that there are a lot of people with no major celebrations planned at all in the next few weeks.

No, it's far from perfect; but then, so are most things in life. I can live with Happy Holidays.

The thing that rattles my candy canes during the year's closing weeks are the Christmas militants - the ones who insist they can't have a merry and bright unless everyone does.

I'm Christmas, myself, but I'm totally stumped by the American Family Association's position that the holiday is somehow diminished unless everybody talks about it.

It's the group behind the “Naughty or Nice” list, urging people to boycott stores that don't explicitly mention “Christmas” in their holiday advertising.

So far this year, they're claiming victories for making The Gap and Old Navy run Christmas-themed TV commercials.

For those of you keeping track at home: This group considers stores like Walmart, Sears and Lowes to be OK. Starbucks and Toys 'R Us? Well, they're iffy. Who cares? Some businesses do.

“It's a big deal, because you don't really want to turn away everyone in this climate,” Todd Wasserman, editor in chief for Brandweek, told me this week.

His magazine just ran an interesting story on how marketing folks try to ride that fine line between Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. The upshot: It's impossible.

But I'm an optimist. Isn't there some third way, I asked Wasserman. He couldn't think of one.

So I made up my own. In the next few weeks, if you catch me on an eggnog run, don't be surprised if I stop you and say: “Hey! It's good to see you. The days are cold and the nights are long, but life still is pretty good, isn't it?”

Happy Everything.

Jennifer Hemmingsen's column appears on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Comments: (319) 339-3154; jennifer.hemmingsen@gazcomm.com