Can I talk to the cat manager, Cedar Rapids?

Years ago, my mom took care of several stray cats who showed up at our place. She fed them, housed them in a shed and neutered and immunized as many as she could.

We lived in a rural area, so it was no big deal for our neighbors. It was just something she did out of compassion. It was a hassle, especially for me in the summertime, when I was the designated cat funeral director. But what were we going to do, let them starve?

Those memories came back as I read about a proposed ordinance in Cedar Rapids that would create new layers of bureaucracy aimed at people who trap, neuter and return, or TNR, feral cars.

Anyone engaging in TNR would need to be licensed as a “cat manager” and carry liability insurance. Just call Jake from State Farm and ask for cat insurance.

And what about all of those Karen cats demanding to see the manager?

Cat managers would be required to register with the city and provide information about the cats they feed, also known as a “colony.” Every cat in the colony would also need to be registered along with their vaccination and sterilization records, microchip info and a description.

You know, furry, striped with whiskers. Doesn’t ring a bell?

And that’s not all. There would also be a mandatory census count for each colony, including deaths and births. If there are enough of them, maybe these cats will get representation in Congress.

And, under the ordinance, cat managers would be instructed to stop feeding cats once 90 percent of the colony is TNR’d. Hit the road, feline freeloaders.

OK, I get it. This is a city, not the countryside, so the rules are bound to be different. I know Animal Care and Control is recommending what its staff think is best. But this seems like one of those situations where no good deed goes unpunished.

I exchanged emails with someone I know who used to feed feral cats. She and a neighbor once caught 17 cats and had them neutered, at a cost of more than $600. The census count, she says, won’t work due to the ever-changing cat population. And it’s tough to imagine people who care for these cats will stop feeding them at the 90 percent threshold.

Basically, she argued that all these rules will do is discourage people from getting involved. Add that to the harassment she and others have already received for feeding cats. Will the cat harassers need to be licensed and insured?

And how will this ordinance be enforced? I’m thinking cat-seeking drones.

This is probably about the point in this column where people are already preparing their emails to tell me how awful it is living next to some cat-feeding bleeding heart. But doesn’t the city really have bigger fish to fry?

All I can say is that we live in a world where every day we’re only moments away from learning of some new cruelty. We all deal with it in different ways.

So maybe some people craving kindness find it by helping homeless cats. They don’t want to become cat managers or census takers. They just want to show a little compassion for animals.

The city, in its quest for order, efficiency and regulation, is going too far. Now, let’s speculate on who the cats will elect to Congress.

(319) 398-8262; todd.dorman@thegazette.com