Ask Dr. Compassion -- You Lie!

Dear Dr. Compassion,

Is it ever OK to shout "You Lie!" at someone?

Sincerely, Wary in What Cheer

Well, Wary, there's been a lot of consternation lately over U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson's spur-of-the-moment decision last week to yell "You Lie!" at the president during a televised speech to a joint session of Congress.

This was swiftly deemed inappropriate, even in an era where civility means being extra careful to draw a very neat and historically accurate Hitler mustache on your opponents' image.

But is there ever an appropriate time to exclaim "You Lie?"

I say "You Bet!"

Here are some examples:

* When, faced with an empty pitcher, your cheapskate buddy swears he  just bought the last round.

" Your column is fine."

* When the dentist gives a novocaine  shot and says you might feel just a little "pinch." No, sorry, what I feel is a giant needle of death popping out the top of my head.

*"I'm stepping down to spend more time with my family."

* "My remarks will be brief."

* "The candidate will be here in five minutes."

* "I'm keenly focused on the job I have."

* "Puddles? Oh, we took him to a nice farm in the country."

* "I'll freshen up and put on some makeup. We'll leave in 10 minutes."

* When a 4-year-old refuses to touch her dinner due to a "stomach ache," only to be seen chewing a mouthful of Laffy Taffy 45 seconds later.

*"Easy assembly."

* "Fun for the whole family."

* "I won't let you down."

* "I'm listening."

* "We really should get together some time."

* If someone yells "fire" in a crowded theater but there is no fire.

* "Joe Wilson is an American hero!"

Dr. Compassion is 24-Hour Dorman's resident advice expert. He is unlicensed and unaccredited, but undeterred.