A Clarinet may B Flat, But Readers are Sharp

My daughter Tess started summer clarinet lessons this week, and loves them, so far.

Last week, I wrote about her fateful march into the world of 5th Grade band. And I was surprised by the many responses.

One that really stood out was from Ted Kubicek, whose family has six generations of clarinetists:

My excuse for writing this is that my wife, Margaret, thought I should because of a long history of Clarinet playing in the Kubicek family.

At least in this country, it started with my great grandfather, Frank Kubicek, who emigrated from the province of Bohemia - hence the "Bohemians" - after the Civil War directly to Cedar Rapids. He probably brought his Albert clarinet with him. Shortly thereafter he formed the Kubicek band which played at funerals and all sorts of affairs. At that time his was the first or second band in Cedar Rapids. The City Hall was then at the corner of First Street and Third Avenue east. Assuming that Third Avenue goes North and South at that point, that would be the Northeast corner across from what would later be Smulekoff's. For funerals, the band started at the City Hall and marched to Bohemian, later Czech, National Cemetery, of course playing all the way.

During the life of that band, Frank's son, Joseph, played in that band. Later, my father, Fred, who was Joseph's son, played in another city band. All of them played the clarinet. When I was a child in the twenties and early thirties, my father still owned the Albert clarinet and a B flat clarinet (which Tess will be playing), both of which were contained in a long case rather than broken down and divided into several parts as they are now for carrying.

I was born in 1919 and about age eight began playing the B flat clarinet at Arthur School, then Franklin Junior High, then old Washington, then back to Franklin Senior High. At each school, except old Washington, I ended up being first clarinetist. At Washington, they asked me to play the oboe in the orchestra as they had no oboe player and it is necessary to have one in order to tune up the orchestra. At Iowa University, I played the clarinet in both the marching band and the symphony band. After World War II, I played in the Shrine band for a couple of years. That was about the end as my lip was giving out for lack of playing constantly.

Your daughter Tess is a smart lass. The clarinet is the most beautiful sounding musical instrument.that exists, that is, if she practices and builds up her lip as well as her fingering.

I'll pass that along to Tess. And whatever happened to funeral bands? What a great tradition. I think we should bring them back.

Other readers addressed my lament for a lack of good clarinet jokes. One clarinetist suggested that while other sections of the band are quite easy to lampoon, the licorice sticks are different:

Ahhhh....but the clarinets! They were still the intelligenstia, grounded, stalwart, and righteous in purpose and talent, leading the band of ne'er-do-wells through the rehearsal process.

So that is why you'll hear "How do you get a drummer out of your apartment?.....(Pay him for the pizza!" )or "How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?" ( none, They would rather sit in the dark instead of have their shirt come untucked..) But their are just no jokes about the licorice stick.

There just isn't anything mean you can say about clarinet players...they completely rule the band world.

Count yourself lucky you have one in the house!!

Oh, I do, clearly. More jokes:

The best clarinet joke (properly understood by any long-term clarinet or oboe player) asks the question:

 Q: How many clarinet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but he/she goes through an entire case of bulbs looking for a really good one.

...

Q: What do you do with someone who wants to play in a band but has no sense of pitch?

A: Give him two sticks in put him in the percussion section.

Q: And what if he turns out to have no sense of rhythm?

A: Take away one stick and put him in front of the band.

Perhaps, someday, I will get the light bulb joke. And pity the drummers. No respect, no respect I tell you.

Another reader pointed out the clarinet's prominent place in Klezmer bands. A mensch, and so right.

So here's a link (can't embed it, for some reason) to some very impressive Hungarian Klezmer clarinet.

And if that's not enough, and I know it's not, here's  the North Strand Klezmer band from Dublin. Enjoy.