Iowa's Sean Welsh opens up about his struggle with depression

IOWA CITY — No football metaphor here. There's that and then there's life. Football is woven into Sean Welsh's life. Depression showed up in 2014 and has stuck around.

Depression is a mental disorder that affects people in different ways. Welsh described it this way:

'I started to feel sad, anxious and angry,' the Iowa senior offensive lineman said Wednesday. 'I had an overwhelming sense of dread. It was every dimension of terrible.'

Keep in mind, Welsh wrestles with 300-pound plus defensive tackles every Saturday in the fall. Or maybe he works a combo block to a linebacker, throwing his 295-pound body at a moving target. He's been doing this since high school and in front of crowds that sometimes have exceeded 100,000. His job is one of football's grimiest and he's really good at it, earning third-team all-Big Ten as a junior last year.

The mind is a different playing field. Late in 2014, depression first hit Welsh and started a vicious cycle.

He was too proud to admit that he needed help with coping with the disease. He was too proud to quit football because of depression.

'There was that duality,' Welsh said.

Welsh was a redshirt freshman guard in 2014. He cracked the starting lineup, but suffered an injury late in the season. He didn't finish the season the way he wanted.

'Then everything started to unravel,' he said.

When he returned to the UI after winter break at his home in Springboro, Ohio., the now all-too familiar symptoms resurfaced.

'The bottom line was I didn't care about anything, at all,' he said.

In spring 2015, he forgot about classes and missed a midterm and 'was barely surviving' workouts.

'It quickly became a downward spiral,' he said.

There was a stretch where Welsh didn't leave his room for three days. He then told head coach Kirk Ferentz that he was leaving the team that spring and went home.

'It was a tough decision, but it was the right call,' Welsh said.

He saw a therapist. His first visit was, in his words, 'like pulling teeth.' He was officially diagnosed with depression and learned that he had a genetic predisposition for the disease. He began taking medication, a daily ritual he continues.

'By the summer of 2015, I was working out again with the team,' Welsh said. 'The wind was at my back and I loved football and I loved life.'

The Hawkeyes went 12-2 in 2015, won the Big Ten West and played in the school's first Rose Bowl in 25 years.

'It was one of the best and worst years of my life,' Welsh said.

Welsh said he became lackadaisical with his routines and lapsed into depression last summer. He spent the first part of 2016 camp away from the team. He received help from UI staff and doctors and got back with his routines after about a week.

Routine is important.

'Every time I've relapsed,' Welsh said, 'I've learned a lot and I've been able to adapt with it. I learned that I needed routine, I needed to stay busy. I need to be around people. Just little things in my life that I do to keep me on top of it.'

This was uncharted territory for Ferentz and his staff. Ferentz said he'd seen minor bouts of depression through his career. With Welsh, there were no signs until it hit.

'At that point, whether it was myself, Brian (Ferentz, now the offensive coordinator) was the line coach and (strength coach) Chris (Doyle), we were the three who were on the front line. We worked closely with our counseling folks to make sure we weren't doing the wrong thing. We didn't want to say something that would be damaging or push him in the wrong direction.'

Welsh is a fifth-year senior. He'll be a 23-year-old man in October. His depression has been treated. He knows it's there. It will always be something that needs monitoring.

He's now in a place where he can articulate his struggle, and so he decided to share it with the world.

He recently told teammates. The UI gave him the floor on Wednesday, sharing his story on its website. College kids are super heroes. Nothing can touch them. Well, you say that, but Welsh wanted to let people his age know that it's OK to raise your hand and seek help.

'It made me feel empty, like I had nothing,' Welsh said, 'but it also galvanized me. It gave me a perspective I never would've gained without it. Depression has taught me humility, that I need to be honest with myself and others about how I feel.'

That's raw honesty.

Sean Welsh essay: Depression is my toughest opponent

This is the time of year where football people campaign about what their team might do or be. Everyone is jittery, waiting to pounce on any bit of news about their school (and, no, Ferentz didn't name a starting quarterback).

Wednesday, all eyes were on Welsh and his message.

'(Depression) is frequently undiagnosed,' said Dr. Jess Fiedorowicz, a UI professor of psychiatry. 'Just as the way Sean describes, it's a matter of pride in not wanting to get help. That's why he's really a hero today by coming out and hopefully making others who might be suffering from this condition less afraid to come forward and less afraid to get help.'

l Comments: (319) 398-8256; marc.morehouse@thegazette.com