Hlastradamus: Taking the Hawkeyes and a big number

Hlastradamus is here to give you hope, as well as great college football picks.

He sees the future and sees a world with decreasing violence and increasing enlightenment.

OK, you won't live long enough to see it. But it will happen and the heirs of your heirs' heirs will be much better off for it. And now, for something completely different:

Iowa -18.5 vs. Illinois

Does it make sense to pick a team to win by 19 points when it hasn't scored that many points in either of its last two games?

Of course it does, or the prophet would not have told you to take Iowa and the points.

The opponent isn't Penn State or Michigan State. The opponent was soundly beaten by South Florida and Nebraska. The opponent has more first-year freshmen than Iowa's Burge Hall. That's a dormitory populated almost entirely by freshmen, for you who swear by the Hawkeyes but aren't familiar with the actual university.

Still, 19 points? Yes, throw the points. If you're going to question Hlastradamus this early in the transmission of this prophecy, please go stand outside and wallow in poverty with the others who have doubted him over the centuries.

Oklahoma -28 vs. Iowa State

Oh, that's a lot of points.

Hlastradamus admits great trepidation about this one, because he liked the way the Cyclones' defense played against Texas last week. But this OU offense is better than that of any Texas team that isn't accompanied by the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders.

The Sooners' average margin of victory this season is 28.5 points, and one of their four games was on the road against Ohio State. This game is in Norman.

Norman. That's a funny name for a city. Has anyone ever shouted 'Norm!' when it walked into its favorite bar?

Old reference.

Northwestern +15.5 vs. Penn State

Hlastradamus slipped on a shard of broken crystal ball last week when he said Penn State wouldn't cover 17.5 at home against Indiana.

He forgot Saquon Barkley was returning kickoffs for the Nittanys. The prophet has a lot on his mind sometimes.

But the road is a different deal, and you don't go to Evanston, Ill., and push around Northwestern without some pushback.

By the way, did you know Northwestern went to the NCAA men's basketball tournament last year? Did you know the Wildcats expect to do the same in the season ahead?

Hlastradamus says the world spun off its axis a year ago. Someone should look into fixing that.

Michigan -10 vs. Michigan State

When these two get together, throw out the record book. But don't throw out your old records.

Case in point: Anything by Tom Petty. Hlastradamus was and is one of his millions of fans. If Tom performs here in the afterlife, the seer will drop what he's doing to attend.

As for the Michigan men, this will be a grunt-and-groan. The prophet just doesn't see the MSU offense doing enough against a great defense to avoid a double-digit loss. He also doesn't see how 'Kevin Can Wait' is on network television, but that's another matter.

Nebraska +11.5 vs. Wisconsin

Nebraska hasn't been this big of a home underdog since 1974, against Oklahoma. The Huskers have won their last 20 home night games.

Does the prophet have to paint you a picture?

Seriously, does he? Because he's not a painter, and why in the universe would you need him to paint you something? That doesn't make sense.

Please make requests that are more reasonable in the future. The prophet doesn't have the rest of eternity to deal with nonsense. Actually, he does.

Never mind.

l Comments: (319) 368-8840; mike.hlas@thegazette.com