Hlastradamus returns, with an Illinois State-Iowa pick that will change the world

If something seems too good to be true, it probably isn’t.

How many times has some pinhead told you that? You never heard it from Hlastradamus, who says don’t look a gift golden calf in the eye.

The sports book operators have the over/under for Saturday’s Illinois State-Iowa game at either 40.5 or 41 points, depending on where you shop. No matter. The seer says take the under, and being your 2024 season in the black instead the red, where his non-believers have permanent residence.

It’s a new season, sure, but know this: None of Iowa’s final nine games last season had more than 35 total points.

You think Illinois State is going to move the ball on Iowa’s defense? No, you do not. You think Iowa will totally morph from the beast to the beauty offensively in the first game of the Tim Lester era? The prophet doesn’t.

So take the under, don’t be half-hearted about it, and use your winnings for something to make this world a little better.

See how this works? Hlastradamus gives you a gift, you pay it forward, et cetera. The prophet’s got to get a Nobel Prize out of this before the College Football playoff starts, and those things have a cash value of about a million bucks.