Iowa vs. Maryland prediction: Hlastradamus picks Friday’s game and much more

Welcome back. Unless you’re new here, you have returned because you have tasted the fruits of victory and you crave more.

Hlastradamus went 3-2 against the spread last week for a season total of 13-6. That’s over 68 percent. If everyone hit on 68 percent of their wagers, they would soon have nowhere to place a bet. You think it’s hard to find help at restaurants these days? Try finding a sportsbook if everyone is cashing 68 percent of all tickets.

Hlastradamus feeds you winners. Eat, children, eat! For once in your mortal existence, it’s OK to get fat and sassy.

This is a short week with Iowa playing on a Friday night, so let’s hurry this along.

Iowa -4 at Maryland

The prophet doesn’t pander. He told you to take Colorado State and the 23.5 points at Iowa last week, and you never broke a sweat.

Maryland’s odometer of an offense is a nice story so far this season, but the Terrapins are moving up in class this week. The defense they’re facing isn’t that of West Virginia, Howard, Illinois or Kent State.

Iowa’s in for a fight, but at some point the Terps will throw that one pass they’ll regret. We all have at some time in our lives, right?

Iowa State -34 vs. Kansas

This is the UNLV game, Round 2. The Cyclones need another exorcism, and Kansas’ defense will have a devil of a time against a ticked-off Iowa State crew.

ISU hasn’t beaten Kansas by 34 or more in their last three meetings, and the Jayhawks weren’t any good then, either. Tender mercy should be in shorter supply this time.

The Cyclones are 126th in the nation in net punting and 120th in punt-return defense. The best way to deal with punting issues? Score touchdowns instead of punting.

Gadzooks, though, that’s a lot of points. The last time Iowa State was favored by this much in a Big 12 game was, well, never. But the soothsayer isn’t nervous. Hesitant, yes. Dubious, of course. Nervous? Not a bit.

Wisconsin +1 vs. Michigan

Wisconsin has lost seven of its last 12 games. One of the five wins was a 49-11 mauling of Michigan in Ann Arbor last year.

Badgers quarterback Graham Mertz threw back-to-back pick-6s last week in his team’s 41-13 loss to Notre Dame. Did Hlastradamus tell you to take the underdog Irish in that game? Of course. Would he have reminded you otherwise?

Hey mortals, the Badgers are No. 2 in the nation in total defense, and that’s with two of their three games against Penn State and Notre Dame. They’ve allowed an average of 23 rushing yards per game!

Michigan was shut out in the second half of its 20-13 win over Rutgers last week. It didn’t get a first down on its last four possessions.

Did Hlastradamus tell you to take Rutgers and the 21 points in that game? Of course. Would he have reminded you otherwise?

Penn State -11 vs. Indiana

Indiana, a popular flavor in August, looks as wobbly entering October as an uneven table at a coffee shop, which has irritated the prophet for centuries.

Indiana is 0-3 against the spread against FBS opponents, while the Nittany Lions are 3-0. Trends like that are what inspire predictions. That, and the need to fill bandwidth.

Rutgers +15 vs. Ohio State

Ohio State is 7-0 against Rutgers since the Scarlet Knights joined the Big Ten. The closest game of the bunch was the Buckeyes’ 49-27 win last year.

So the seer is taking Rutgers and 15? When the Knights have yet to hold Ohio State under 49 points? When the average OSU margin of victory in the series has been 43?

Hlastradamus lives in the present. Rutgers has the No. 11 defense in the nation (statistically). You were just told how it clamped down on Michigan in Ann Arbor after halftime. And Ohio State, for all its brilliant skill-position players, has been balky when it has played someone other than Akron.

Yes, the Buckeyes can score 15 points in a New Jersey minute. But this is Greg Schiano, former Ohio State defensive coordinator, running the Rutgers ship.

As the old rock n’ roll crooner from Jersey has sung, “Cover me. Shut the door and cover me.”

Cover us, Rutgers. Shut the door and cover us.