Hlastradamus: Intangibles, immeasurables decide Iowa-Iowa State

Hlastradamus has been everywhere the grass grows green, Sonny Boy.

He hasn't, really. He just thought that would be a funny thing to say. He's kind of a weirdo, actually.

He got off to a stumbling start of the 2017 college football season, going 2-3 against the Nevada numbers. It might be one of those centuries.

But the prophet is nothing if not resilient, and he's not particularly resilient. Nonetheless, he is back this week to send you toward fortune. You'll have to acquire fame on your own.

Iowa State +2.5

vs. Iowa

On tangibles and measurables, the seer sides with Iowa, though not overwhelmingly.

But tangibles and measurables are for the Mel Kiper Juniors of the world, not a mystical being like Hlastradamus. Intangibles, immeasurables and things that go bump in the night are what trips his trigger. Also, chocolate cake.

Thus, he senses an emotional rescue from the years of drudgery that have tormented Cyclone football in the form of a victory over Iowa. He cannot and will not reveal just how this will happen and he's not particularly sure his crystal ball is being honest with him. It certainly wasn't last week when it told him Wyoming would play Iowa fairly close.

In the trenches, it's hard to see the Hawkeyes coming up second-best here. But Hlastradamus keeps coming back to these two questions:

Would you rather the prophet took the easy route here and pandered to more of you? And ...

Who are you to doubt El Dandy?

Ohio State -7

vs. Oklahoma

This is a lot of points against an elite quarterback like Oklahoma's Baker Mayfield, who won't shrink from bright lights and a big stage.

But Urban Meyer is 34-2 in Columbus and going against Lincoln Riley, a 34-year-old coaching his first road game.

The prophet has certain tenets when making these proclamations, and one is this: Nick Saban and Urban Meyer know what they're doing.

Oregon State -2

vs. Minnesota

Gary Andersen is 7-19 at Oregon State since he voluntarily walked away from Wisconsin to go be the boss of the Beavers.

What Andersen did from a football standpoint was like leaving the Paris in France for the Paris in Tennessee.

Paul Chryst will not voluntarily walk away from Madison anytime in the next decade.

But we all dance to different tunes. Andersen got the best of Minnesota when he was at Wisconsin, and the soothsayer says he'll do likewise Saturday with less talent. The two-time zone flights are hard on teams, and Gophers don't do well above the ground.

Illinois +7.5

vs. Western Kentucky

A 7.5-point underdog at home against a team from Conference USA?

You do not come to Champaign and talk to a man like Lovie Smith like that!

Hlastradamus, like a lot of prophets, drops too many 'The Godfather' references into his day-to-day conversation.

But on a serious note, don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again.

Florida Atlantic +31.5

at Wisconsin

OK, Florida Atlantic was soundly defeated at home by Navy last week while Wisconsin drubbed Utah State, 59-10. What's to prevent a Badgers butchering of the Owls of Boca Raton?

Tender mercy, that's what. Everyone in Madison will know FAU will be a team that could be without a home for a bit as Hurricane Irma powers through south Florida.

Hlastradamus' middleman from The Gazette has been to Puerto Rico and is very fond of that island and its people, and also has enjoyed his visits to south Florida. Forgive the pun, but hurricanes blow.