Hlas: Big Ten football, and the questions that matter

Summer is slipping through our sunburned hands, as evidenced by the fact the Big Ten's football media days are upon us.

Thousands of questions will be asked of coaches, players and bellhops Monday and Tuesday at Chicago's Hyatt Regency McCormick Place. My guess is these won't be among them:

For the Big Ten itself:

Your last two participants in the College Football Playoff lost by 38-0 (Michigan State, to Alabama) and 31-0 (Ohio State, to Clemson). Is it time to consider scoring?

For Minnesota:

You have a hydronic heating field at TCF Bank Stadium. But it still feels cold in November, doesn't it?

For Wisconsin

: How did you skillfully manage to get two teams from Utah on your schedule, but none from Ohio or Pennsylvania?

For Illinois and Purdue:

You were both 3-9 last year and you both have five straight losing seasons. How can we tell which of you is which?

For Nebraska:

Has anyone mentioned to you that you haven't won a conference championship in football since 1999? Or that nine Big Ten teams have won a league title since the last time you did? Including Illinois? And Purdue?

For Penn State:

You won the Big Ten last year and beat Ohio State en route to the title. But Ohio State went to the national playoffs and you did not. Can you explain that? Please show your work.

A tossup question for anyone

: Under the leadership of commissioner Jim Delany, The Big Ten has a six-year, $2.64 billion TV deal (Fox, ESPN, CBS) and also gets beaucoup bucks from the Big Ten Network.

So, does the following line from Bob Dylan's 'Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts' ring especially true to you?

Big Jim was no one's fool, he owned the town's only diamond mine

For Northwestern:

Does anyone outside Cook Country realize senior Wildcat running back Justin Jackson has three seasons of 1,000 rushing yards?

Also: While Penn State didn't include star running back Saquon Barkley and star quarterback Trace McSorley among the three players it is bringing to these media days, and Ohio State isn't including star quarterback J.T. Barrett, and Iowa isn't including star running back Akrum Wadley, why are you bringing Jackson? People might actually want to interview him!

For Indiana:

You sold just 672 tickets to the Foster Farms Bowl. The appearance in that San Francisco-area game cost you $2.5 million. Yet, because of the Big Ten's contribution for unsold tickets, you actually turned a $100,000 profit on the trip. So two questions:

One, aren't you tickled to be in the Big Ten? Two, shouldn't the conference be running the federal government?

For Maryland and Rutgers:

In your four games against Michigan and Ohio State last year, you lost by a total score of 257-6 and were outgained by an average of 453 yards per game. Why is tender mercy in such short supply these days?

For Iowa and Wisconsin:

The visiting team has won the last six games of your series. Does that make any sense to either of you?

For Indiana and Purdue:

Your Homecoming games are against Michigan. Didn't you know you're supposed to play Homecoming games against teams you can beat? Rutgers is the Homecoming foe for three Big Ten schools who do understand the concept.

For Michigan State:

You capped a run of 36 wins in 40 games with your 2015 Big Ten championship victory over Iowa, but are 3-10 since. Good grief, Spartans, what exactly did that game against the Hawkeyes take out of you?

For Ohio State and Michigan

: How's recruiting going?

For Iowa:

Phil Steele's college magazine projects you playing Cincinnati in the first Frisco Bowl.

First question: The Frisco Bowl?

Second question: Does Steele know your final exams week ends five days before the Dec. 20 Frisco Bowl (in Frisco, Texas), and you wouldn't be likely to play in a pre-Christmas bowl because of it?

Third question: The Frisco Bowl?