Good Timey Radio Hour

Just another sleepy call-in show.

Dolph is talking about queso (mmm, queso) and the Hawkeyes and you know the drill.

And then an interloper. A malevolent soul from the hinterlands (OK, Clinton, but 'hinterlands” sounds way cooler, kind of 'Game of Thrones”).

Bring, bring. The unsuspecting producer says, 'Helloooooooo . . .” OK, the action in my head is in slo-motion for some reason. I don't know why. That seems kind of the convention for bad things happening to unsuspecting characters.

Unsuspecting producer patches 'Allan from Clinton” onto the air with our hero, Gary Dolphin.

Allen, clearly trojan horsing the heck out of this, makes some nice talk and then gets to his dirty deeds.

'You guys haven't played anybody. The majority of your wins have been against nobodies. What's the hype?”

At that point, Dolph threw off the glasses, ripped open his V-neck sweater from Von Maur (probably) and becomes 'The Dolph.” (I don't know, work with me.)

Body blow with facts about Iowa's schedule. Four teams above .500, including victories against ranked teams on the road (Wisconsin and Northwestern). Something like six Big Ten teams ranked at different points or something like that. (Maybe ranked now, I don't know, this is Dolph talking and the radio post, I'm not contractually obligated to look stuff up).

Body blow, body blow, body blow.

And then the Rhonda Rousey round-house knockout Florsheim to Allan's skull.

'Morons are welcomed to call the show, too.”

Deal with it, Allan.

Kiss . . . Dolph's . . . grits.

WHATCHA TALKIN' BOUT DOLPH

CHA-CHING

- Jim the big, loud and most likely lovable trucker guy who sounds like the scary clown guy from 'House of 1,000 Corpses” calls and tells The Dolph to remind KF that he left a truckload of corn for Floyd of Rosedale.

Dolph said Floyd was looking skinny like a super model coming back from the Twin Cities. I saw Floyd in the Hansen Center this week. Dolph was right. The pig was smoking and eating air.

- Dolph said true freshman OL James Daniels is ticketed for center.

Hmmm, I wonder about that one. Could be. Seems like a fit. Daniels is closer to 6-3 than 6-4. He could have a clear runway to three years as Iowa's No. 1 center, with Austin Blythe graduating after this season. Maybe it's a fit.

- TOMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY

It's backhanded compliment time on the Hawk Talk. Tommy said to KF 'I'm not going to tell you you're great . . .” And that's OK, but Tommy did once call-in and compare Ferentz to Frank Lauterbur, who went 4-28-1 from 1971-73. So, that's where Tommy is coming from.

He did offer a heartfelt congrats. As always, KF said, I will tell the team.

- KF said everyone he runs into who went to the University of Iowa always says they had a great time here. He said he was jealous and wished he could've gotten into Iowa, because it sounds like a fun place.

I went to grad school here in the early 1990s. KF, it is fun here. Maybe too much fun, if you know what I mean.

- The show has slowed to the quoting stats stage. I try not to do that on the podcast, BTW.

- Allan, call back.

- Again, my stance on fans calling the call-in show of your rival is right there with putting your hands behind your back and sprinting face first into a boulder . . . that's covered in glass and spikes . . . and that had recently been sprayed by a skunk . . . that's covered in little snappy mouse traps . . . that really isn't a boulder but is a fake boulder set in front of a cliff.

Do that before you call the call-in show of your rival. Save that for shows built for it, like Finebaum or The Afternoon Players Club (kidding with my APC friends there, love that show).

- Dolph got into some truth telling after Allan. He clearly was seeing red and started speaking in tongues, which came out as, 'You know . . . call-in shows, live call-in shows . . .”

Dolph kind of pulled up from there, because he, you know, is moderating a call-in show for money.

We all do things we're not totally invested in for money. (Surely, I don't mean 'Good Timey.” Noooooo, no, no, not at all.)

- KF is saying Indiana is good on defense.

I'm not there yet.

- Nice guy who sounds like an accountant dentist wants to know about how Iowa gets more pressure on the QB.

KF said Minnesota was a max protect team and put fewer receivers in route. So, it was tough to find pressure. Add more in rush, you take players out of coverage.

'If you can find a guy who can get to the QB a couple of times a game, let me know,” KF said.

Dolph said, let me remind everyone that Drew Ott isn't in the game. KF jumps in and said that Iowa has played good defense without Ott, but, yeah, he kinda did help.

And it's true. Ott was the injury that did sting.

Oh hey, we're out of time here.

l Comments: (319) 398-8256; marc.morehouse@thegazette.com