Big Ten rigged the Iowa-USC game, and the moon landings were fake, too

New York magazine has what it’s calling “The Stupid Issue” on its Intelligencer website.

Among the articles are “A Theory of Dumb,” “How Stupid Was This Year?” and “Are You Smarter Than an Eighth-Grader From 1899?”

It could add a story called “Some People Believe a College Football Game is Rigged.”

I heard or read it repeatedly Saturday, and it wasn’t sugarcoated. The officials in the Iowa-USC game fixed it in favor of the Trojans at the command of the Big Ten!

Why? USC had a better chance to reach the College Football Playoff than Iowa entering the game, so the Big Ten wanted the Trojans to win. Money and prestige can drive conferences to do some dark things, right?

The reason for the outrage was calls that weren’t made during the game. Some claimed holding could have been called on USC offensive linemen on, oh, every play. That’s an oldie but a goodie.

No two ways around it, a face mask infraction should have been called on a USC defender who brought down Iowa running back Kamari Moulton. That was critical on a second-half Iowa drive with the Hawkeyes up 21-19. Instead of a first down, the Hawkeyes faced a third-and-4 and threw an interception on the next play.

Six plays later, USC had the lead.

On another second-half play, a Trojan defender ran into an Iowa receiver who already was out of bounds. A penalty flag was thrown for the late hit, then picked up. Presumably, it wasn’t ruled unsportsmanlike conduct because the defender seemed to slow up a bit on the wet turf and wasn’t trying to maim the Hawkeye.

Conspiracy theorists, take your marks!

To his credit, Iowa Coach Kirk Ferentz said “You've got to play through those things. It doesn't always work the way you want."

OK, let’s note here that the majority of those who cared about this game didn’t believe the game was fixed in plain sight. We may not be as smart as an eighth-grader from 1899, but we’re at least as wise as fourth- or fifth-graders from that year.

How many people would have to be involved for a conference to fix a game? How would all the people in the know be kept silent about it? Is there any way to get that many people to do something criminal in unison without some whistleblower leaking it to TMZ or yakking about it on TikTok?

Also, how many missed penalties in a game aren’t caught by television? Some, for sure. When it’s a face mask like the one that made Hawkeyeville rant that the officials were jobbing their team, no, that obviously shouldn’t have been missed. But it was, and it happens.

Is it remotely possible Iowa got away with a pass interference call or two in the game? I’m just asking. Don’t shoot me, I’m only the piano player.

In the meantime, as so many levelheaded Hawkeye fans have noted, their team got shut out in the second half. USC, on the other hand, took advantage of the modern-day fad known as the forward pass.

The wheel that makes squeaks is the one mechanics are more apt to grease, or however that phrase goes. And when any fan base starts claiming the fix is in, it’s funny or crazy or both.

“Hey, officiating crew, this game is on national television. Let’s miss major penalties that easily will be detected on instant replay and give the public reason to question our competence and the legitimacy of what they’re watching.

“We we want USC to keep its playoff hopes alive though it still has to win at Oregon to have get into the CFP, and that’s probably not happening unless we also do a good job of rigging that one, but what if we fix it too efficiently and it leaves the Ducks in danger of missing the playoff?

“Well, let’s worry about that after we successfully fix this game. Don’t tell anyone we’re doing it or our lives will be ruined, we could face jail time, and people will say mean things about us on social media.”

It could be noted that Iowa is the least-penalized team of the 136 FBS teams this season. But people believe what they want to believe.

Humans have never set foot on the moon. Governments are using geoengineering technology to control the weather. The long streaks of water vapor left in the sky by aircraft actually are chemtrails, poisoning our minds and bodies. And, the refs stuck it to Iowa last Saturday.

USC sure did that pass-and-catch thing pretty well, though.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com