Discuss shoplifting with sticky fingered kids

There are few parenting experiences that can match the joy of dragging your children up and down 17 store aisles while listening to them argue in public, beg for you to buy them things and watch them throw unidentified goo into your cart.

It's not like we don't treasure time with the kiddies, but how many times must we say 'no” to requests for sports cards, snacks or toys? When we finally make it to the car with only a few hundred extra items, we feel relieved.

Then we hear a smacking sound from the back seat.

'What are you eating?” you ask, thinking you had cleaned out the last of the hairy gobstoppers from between seats.

'Gum” he says.

'Where did you get it?”

'End cap 15,” he replies while blowing a bubble.

You don't recall putting anything from end cap 15 into your cart. In fact, that was the only end cap you escaped. So, you ask the dreaded question: 'How did you get it?”

”I stuck it in my pocket when no one was looking. Want a piece?”

How are you supposed to react? Is a one time offense okay? Do you wait to become worried until he shops with an adult sized backpack rather than a plastic coin purse?

Most little kids will get sticky fingers before completely understanding what stealing means and why it is wrong.

Before age 4, kids are innocent of intentionally doing wrong. They still need to be accountable however, even for a first offense. For this age, it is best to explain what stealing is, and that taking something that is not theirs is wrong. Help kids understand how they would feel if someone took their favorite toy away. Then, take the child back to the store to return the item.

School-aged children may steal from stores or even their friends. Kids this age should know the difference between right and wrong, but may lack self control to resist the impulse. Punishing your child is imperative to help her learn the idea of consequences. She should return the item to the store or friend, and apologize for her actions. This humbling experience may provide enough shame to end further temptations to steal. Also, kids this age can work to pay back the item's worth by spending time doing extra chores, or volunteering. Also, be sure to have a calm discussion about what influenced the child to steal, in addition to discussing why it was wrong. This may open the door to important discussions about jealousy, greed and impulse control.

Many parents dismiss the idea of their children shoplifting because they can't imagine it happening. According to the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention, 89 percent of kids say they know kids who shoplift, and 66 percent say they hang out with them. Whether kids do it because they don't understand it is wrong, out of jealousy, because someone dared them or because they want something they can't afford, discussing the consequences of shoplifting is important. Hopefully, when our kids get sticky fingers they will just need a good cleaning, rather than having to come clean.

l Ann-Marie Berg is a Cedar Rapids mom and pediatric nurse practitioner. Write to her at features@sourcemedia.net.