Same-sex couples reflect on security of marriage

Kate and Trish Varnum, of Cedar Rapids, say they only wanted to get married if it could be in Iowa.

What started out as an online friendship turned into love. The married in September.

“This past year has been incredible to be able to see our friends get married,” Kate, 36, says. “Now, I'm able to say to anyone that we are married.”

“It's validation,” Trish, 45, says grinning. “I finally have a word (marriage) to describe what our relationship is all about. I'm now equal to my brothers and sisters.”

Kate says this is huge for Iowa. “We've always been progressive. Iowa was the first one to let the Mormons pass through and women to join the bar. Iowa thinks for itself.”

Trish says she's still worried about “crossing the border” into Illinois or another state because if a medical problem arises they won't have the same rights as married couples. She hates to think of Kate dying alone because she's not allowed in the hospital room.

“Trish went through a procedure to see if she could have a child and it was emotionally tough and she was having pain,” Kate says. “I couldn't go in. We now carry our proof of power of attorney and living wills because our marriage isn't recognized out of state.”

John Karn and Tony Browning, of Cedar Rapids says marriage hasn't changed their relationship, only made their commitment deeper.

The men met through friends and started a relationship 11 years ago and married in June.

“It's a public declaration of our relationship that can be expressed in a simple way,” Karn, 63, says. “On a day to day basis it's probably not any different than any other marriage. And a great opportunity for a big party (the wedding),” he said laughing.

Browning, 53, says being married has brought about a personal growth for him.

“I've been out for a number of years with John and it inspired me to be more active in the community. John has always been the one and I've been more reserved. I stepped up and became involved in the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) forum that my employer has and I'm working with One Iowa (marriage equality and gay rights organization).”

The couple says being married without federal rights has brought up issues regarding retirement for them.

“Do we want to leave Iowa for warmer (weather) or now do we want to stay here - how will it affect us moving someplace that doesn't acknowledge our marriage? Is this what's best for us?” Browning says.