East Iowa families add flourish to funerals

From balloons and magic markers at graveside services to cremation necklaces, fingerprint jewelry and even quick bar codes on headstones, mourners are getting more creative and personal in how they memorialize their loved ones.

Families in Eastern Iowa increasingly are swapping impersonal and uber-traditional funerals for creative and unique “celebrations of life,” according to area funeral directors.

“Years ago, there was almost a cookie-cutter approach to funerals, and now people really want to invest in making it a story and a celebration,” said Peter Teahen, director and owner of Teahen Funeral Home in Cedar Rapids. “We have transitioned from the 1960s and 1970s when people wore black for a year.”

Pop-culture songs are replacing “gloomy” music at services, videos and slide shows are overtaking somber decor, balloon releases are brightening graveside services and family members are writing their own eulogies.

“People are finally moving from the traditions they grew up with to realizing that this can be a meaningful and special event,” Teahen said.

Some people are exploring unique ways to carry loved ones with them after death, Teahen said. Memorial companies now can put cremated ashes into jewelry and locks of hair into pendants, and they can stamp rings, necklaces and lapels with a person's fingerprint.

Some manufacturers even have started branding headstones with the small black and white bar code boxes - known as QR, or quick response, codes - that let smartphone users snap a picture of the icon and connect to the Internet to learn more about a person's life.

“I think it's a neat concept of how we are trying to focus more on the life of the person than the death,” Teahen said.

No families have asked Teahen to embed a QR code on a headstone so far. But, Teahen said, he's been seeing the “smart memorials” frequently in trade journals, and the family of Aaron Eilerts, 14, of Eagle Grove, who was killed during a 2008 tornado at the Little Sioux Boy Scout camp, recently added a QR code to the boy's headstone.

Officials at Watts Vault & Monument Co., which has warehouses in Cedar Rapids and Iowa City, said they're willing to order a headstone with a “smart memorial” box for anyone who asks.

“It's becoming more popular,” said Julie Watts, secretary for Watts Memorial. “I wouldn't be surprised if you see them everywhere. It's just a matter of time.”

Jacob Wittrock, owner and funeral director of Stewart Baxter Funeral and Memorial Services in Cedar Rapids, said his business is seeing more unique requests, like a family that lined up special cars outside a service for a man who was an auto aficionado in life.

“People are more apt to ask for that type of thing now, whereas 15 to 20 year ago, the funeral home might not have been as accommodating,” he said.

Geraldine Zach's children knew they didn't want to go the traditional route when the Cedar Rapids woman died May 9 at age 80.

“It was very personal,” said her daughter, Sandy Brown, 46, of Cedar Rapids, who wrote her mother's entire service and delivered the eulogy.

Zach had been involved in church for years but became less active after having a stroke.

“So having a minister from that church give the service seemed cold,” Brown said.

When Brown's father, Robert Zach, died a few months later on Aug. 13 at age 85, Brown said, the family again made it personal.

“I felt like it was more of a celebration of who they were,” Brown said. “It was not just a funeral service that I could check off my list of things I've done.”

Before the Zachs died, Brown said, she had them answer questions about their lives in a journal and on video. The journal and video were displayed during the visitation, Brown said.

“It was not just a church service,” she said.

The burial was unique as well. The husband and wife were cremated, and they had their ashes mixed and placed in a box that family members decorated with magic markers.

Even traditional families mourning loved ones are doing more these days to personalize memorial services.

Bev Kotowske, whose father, Gerald “Jerry” Ramm, 86, of Cedar Rapids, died Dec. 5, said he was a conventional Catholic and they didn't want to veer too far from memorial norms.

But, she said, they did sprinkle in a few personal touches with photos, a video and a balloon release at the graveside service. Kotowske, 56, of Cedar Rapids, said she thinks more people are personalizing memorials today to familiarize younger generations with family members who they didn't get to know well.

““Families aren't as connected as they were, so this does that, and it's important,” she said.