Suddenly single: Online dating sites seeing boost from baby boomers

Thirty-five years ago, when Johnny Lee sang about 'Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places,” he likely had no idea that in 2015, people would be looking for and finding that love online.

To be fair, neither did those of us who were looking for love in 1980.

The dating game has changed a lot in more than three decades. And, while finding a potential partner online might seem like it would scary, uncharted territory for those who find themselves back in the game after years off the market, it's actually a popular way for those in their 50s on up to seek someone special.

One of the largest growing groups using singles Internet sites are the baby boomers and older, says Joan Barrett, author of 'Candyland S.I.N.S.”

She uses the acronym to refer to singles Internet sites in her book, which she says is a practical and emotional guide on how to prepare for and enjoy dating online. It's advice she offers from firsthand experience.

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'I was left suddenly single at the age of 62 after a 15-year cohabitation when my partner decided to return to his ex-wife who had divorced him 21 years before,” Barrett said. 'This traumatic circumstance initiated my participation in online dating, which changed my life.”

Part of the appeal of going online to love for love again, she argues, is that the older daters - she calls them matures - aren't into the same kind of activities they were when they were younger, or that of their younger counterparts. For those age 50 and older, online dating sites offer an alternative to hitting the bar scene, joining groups or picking up a new hobby.

'I don't know where the next love of my life might come from if not from online dating,” says single Meg Schneider, 52, of North Liberty. 'I don't care for the bar hangout and I'm not inclined to join a church, so that leaves work and activities like CASA and Toastmasters, where the pool isn't terribly deep. And I've never been chatted up in the grocery store, so that seems unlikely too.”

After three years, she still likes that these sites offer a safer way of getting to know what is 'out there” and that their algorithms sift through the suitors for her.

'I think my attitude in general is that it's an interesting exercise, but I am perhaps less hopeful after three years than I was at the beginning. I've made two good friends and met some ‘interesting' people. But I'm not sure that the next love of my life is to be found there,” she says.

All mainstream sites allow singles to set up profiles for free. Some sites also allow communication without a fee, but charge a premium for enhanced services, such as being able to see when your message has been read. Other sites, like Match.com, allow users to build a profile and browse through other profiles for free, but must be a paid member to communicate.

For many, it works.

More than a third of singles say they found true love online, according to a 2013 Pew Center for Research study. According to the University of Chicago, more than a third of all marriages between 2005 and 2012 began online.

In part, some of the reasons mature singles plug into online dating sites aren't unique to their generation.

For example, Alan Pfab, 54, of Iowa City, who has used online dating 'off and on” for the last 13 years, says it's easier to start talking with someone online than in person.

If part that's because 'I like the online dating better, you can be yourself,” he says.

But, it's equally appealing because you can hide certain things, like a reaction to something a potential match might say.

'They can't see your reaction when they ask you the dumbest question or you know they're lying. My facial expressions give me away, I don't have a good poker face. But I ask tons of questions and I can usually tell when they're lying when they can't answer the same question I asked four days ago.”

The pitfalls, too, aren't exclusive to the 50-and-older set.

'The women can be just as bad as men when it comes to just looking for sex,” says Rick Marmon, 55, of Cedar Rapids. 'I'd meet someone who seemed to be in tune with what I wanted, but when we'd meet it seemed they all just wanted to go to bed. That's just not right.”

He's not looking for a soul mate, but he does expect honesty, he says.

Schneider said she, too, has had some odd encounters.

'I've had some interesting online chats, but few first dates and even fewer second dates,” she said. 'Typically, something happens in the online chat that prevents a first date, such as the guy who said he doesn't date women with ‘fat ankles.' He thought it was amusing; I told him it was straight-up weird, and no one who is that shallow is worth my time.”

Pfab, Schneider and Marmon are willing to take the good with the bad, though, because online dating sites offer both entertainment and possibility.

'I just don't want to be single anymore,” Pfab said. 'I'm putting it all out there.”