Pants-Free Parenting: Going with the flow can be more peaceful

My son is 2. And he is so perfectly 2 that I often find myself questioning the very nature of reality. Maybe pants do not belong on your legs. Maybe all pants should be worn on the head. Maybe I shouldn't have made him whatever he wanted for lunch. Maybe I'm really the jerk here.

I am convinced that if an adult did to you what a 2-year-old does, they would be behind bars. When my first child was 2, we fought this behavior really hard. We read books and Internet articles and sought advice for taming the temper tantrums and the complete inability to do anything without a cookie bribe. And we discovered nothing. Absolutely nothing. Most books were just like, 'Be consistent, good luck.”

They might as well have just laughed in our faces. It was a phase, of course. We weathered it. One day she woke up a new person, who suddenly agreed with us that poop does not belong in underwear and maybe we shouldn't kick strangers in the legs.

Knowing what we know now, we've begun to just lean into our son's reign of terror. After months of miserable dinners that have ended in time outs, tears and gnashing of teeth, we gave up. The previous night I had made salmon, rice and corn. It was a delicious meal and we enjoyed none of it. When my son sat down he said, 'I don't wike pink food!” Then flipped his plate. He went to time out. Then, due to more furniture flipping, his room. He finally came down, ate rice and demanded a cookie.

The next night, as I made fried rice, I knew exactly how it would go. I had visions of rice on the floor. More screaming. My 4-year-old's tired sighs. 'Let's just not even try,” I said to my husband. 'Let's just give them junk and turn on the TV.”

'OK,” he said. We went with it. We turned on the TV, spread out a blanket on the floor and had a picnic. My husband and I ate real food and we let our kids graze on fruit, yogurt and muffins.

'This is so fun!” My 4-year-old yelled. 'I love family picnic nights.”

And just like that, our night of bad parenting, somehow turned into good parenting. We ate. We played. We watched holiday movies. Minimal screaming occurred.

Sometimes I wonder if half of my parenting problems wouldn't be solved by completely giving up the idea of what I think family should be and just leaning into the family I have. When chaos reigns, why do I fight it? Why don't I just pop some popcorn and watch it exhaust itself until bedtime? I understand that parenting needs to happen, but with my generation's tendency to helicopter parent or drone parent - like helicopter parenting but worse - over parenting actually seems like the bigger concern than under parenting.

I recently read about a parenting trend called mindfulness parenting, where parents are encouraged to be present and mindful in every situation. And I love my kids, but why can't I read a book while I wait for my 2-year-old to poop on the potty? Is it necessary to be 'in the moment” while mopping off pee from the floor? Why can't I just give up once in a while? Why can't I just say, 'Fine, yogurt for everyone; mom is going to zone out while you watch some ‘Mickey Mouse'?”

As a parent, I am often reminded that my children's lives will go quickly, I need to catch it all. But as their lives move, so does mine. I'd love to catch some of that, too. And as it turns out, giving myself up to the tide of crazy every once in a while can be fun. Floor picnics for everyone!

l Lyz Lenz is a writer, mother of two and hater of pants. Email her at eclenz@gmail.com or find her writing at LyzLenz.com.