Pants-Free Parenting: Battle against cabin fever goes down in defeat

It happens every time I decide to do something fun and spontaneous with my kids: They absolutely hate it. A few weeks after the holidays, after being cooped up in the house for two days, I took my kids to a large indoor play park. We have only been there once for a birthday party and based on how much fun my kids had then, I was sure I was going to be mom of the year, or at least the week.

Here is the short version: I wasn't.

Here is the longer version: After being locked inside with my children for more than 48 hours due to bitter cold weather, they responded to the freedom of the indoor playground like cave dwellers who had never seen the light. They spent the first hour whining about how I needed to play with them and how much they wanted snacks. When I finally got them snacks, they sat watching the muted televisions on the wall.

'If you want to watch TV,” I said, 'maybe we should go home.”

'OK, let's go home!” My 2-year-old yelled calling my bluff.

I forced them to play. That night at dinner, when my husband asked them what they did, my 4fyear-old shrugged. 'Nothing.”

Between admission and snacks, I spent $30 and all I got was a bored 'nothing.”

This isn't the first time this has happened. At least a good 70 percent of our visits to the pool this summer were spent with my kids whining to eat snacks in the shade. My favorite memory is the time we had a picnic in Seminole Valley Park and took the kids on a brief nature walk. We hadn't traveled more than 10 yards into the forest when my daughter started sobbing, 'We are lost! Does anyone have a map? Will we die?”

We consoled her by letting her know that we had no backup food, but the bears would probably eat us before we had a chance to die of hunger. Such good family memories.

All of our family excursions haven't been a bust. My kids really love a midrange hotel with a pool and basic cable. We don't even have to do anything. Just go to a hotel and they are in heaven. Recently, when I told my daughter I had a surprise for her (the surprise was tickets to Disney on Ice) she clasped her hands over her mouth and yelled, 'Are we going to a hotel? All my dreams are coming true!” Disney on Ice was fun, but a poor substitute for a free pad of paper, a freezing cold pool, and 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” on TV.

I think the problem is I try too hard. My kids probably would have been happy with another day in their pajamas building tent forts on the couch. The problem is I was going crazy. Winter parenting is the worst kind of parenting, especially in a place where the weather can keep you inside for days on end.

The isolation can be crazy making. In the winter, my kids and I spend so much time together I forget which of us likes fruit snacks and which one likes reading books about true crime. So, out we will go again, I'm sure, on another ill-fated excursion. But at least we will get Icee's and popcorn and new scenery to whine about.

' Lyz Lenz is a writer, mother of two and hater of pants. Email her at eclenz@gmail.com or find her writing at LyzLenz.com.