Modern Manners: How to kindly navigate health questions while socializing

The prelude of summer always entices people to seek a bikini body or lose that last 10 pounds. I am not striving for a perfect body, but I have recently started a wellness program. As I finish my final weeks of the strictest phase, I feel great physically and mentally. But socially, I am struggling.

I've never been one to say no to a glass of wine. And I love a decadent dinner party meal. Don't even get me started on my love of cupcakes and candy. I am still socializing and spending time with friends while abstaining from alcohol and sweet treats. And I've become acutely aware that eating and drinking are the foundations of said socializing.

When you stop drinking and change your eating habits, something odd happens. It makes people uncomfortable. It makes them ask questions, overly personal questions. Being a thirty-something woman, people bluntly ask me if I am pregnant. And when I say no, they continue to pepper me with a variety of questions and comments that leave me feeling exposed and uncomfortable.

I knew that the diet plan would be an adjustment. I was ready for tough workouts. But I didn't expect to embark on a social experiment. Or that so many people would have reactions, many of them unsupportive or too probing with unsolicited advice about my body, weight or appearance.

These past few weeks have provided a glimpse into how people socialize without drinking. And how our food choices greatly impact our lives and relationships. In our weight-obsessed society, thigh-gaps and body-shaming are part of public discourse. But while the topic may be mainstream, it doesn't make the topic less personal.

I have a newfound respect for those on wellness journeys and those who battle addictions with alcohol and food. While the topic earns prime time media attention with 'The Biggest Loser,' juice cleanses and Whole 30 programs, the topic is often handled poorly in real time.

A friend recently told me how uncomfortable she feels when people exclaim, 'You've lost so much weight!' It makes her wonder how bad she looked before. If you see someone, and they have lost weight or look healthier, try to say something, 'You look great!' or 'You look so healthy!' instead of focusing on their weight. Just as we don't tell people they have gained weight to avoid hurting their feelings, telling someone how thin they look can have an emotional impact.

As a culture, we must allow people to make their food and drink decisions without commentary. We all have our struggles we are dealing with in our own way. Maybe someone is pregnant but not ready to announce it to the world, but she still wants to attend a birthday party. Perhaps someone is trying to lose weight and doesn't need others to discuss his health at the neighborhood BBQ. Or maybe a co-worker is recovering from an addiction and isn't comfortable sharing her story in the office.

In the true purpose of manners in making those around us comfortable, I hope that people pause before teasing someone about their food choices. Or trying to force someone to have a cocktail. That we support those on a healthy path, and we support those that may be struggling with whatever battle they face. We can celebrate people for being healthy without relating success or shame to their physical state. I believe that we, as a culture, can be more supportive of each other, regardless of our physical stature, body shape or what we choose to eat or drink. If what truly matters is on the inside, we have to remember to love people for who they are, not what they look like.