Modern Manners: How to be a great houseguest (and get invited back)

I recently spent a long weekend visiting family. I do most of my traveling for work, so I rarely stay with anyone, especially family members. When I was brushing up on houseguest protocol, I realized this a perfect example of real-life etiquette and how it can make an experience positive and thoughtful when practiced.

As a guest, there are many simple ways to be nimble and considerate while staying in someone's home, all while making the host feel comfortable and appreciated. There is no better time than the pre-holiday season to revisit how to be a great guest.

The first rule is to let someone offer their space. If you must ask, make sure it's a very close friend or relative. Someone may want to host you but doesn't have adequate space to accommodate guests. By asking, you run the risk of making someone feel forced to take you in. If that happens, the whole experience will be awkward for everyone. When planning a stay, think of the old adage about fish and houseguests - each is good for about three days before you need to throw it out. Save longer visits for those closest to you and hopefully you won't overstay your welcome.

Communication and setting expectations prior to your arrival is essential. Discuss schedules, plans, attire, etc. Having clear expectations will allow all parties to prepare and adapt. As a guest, tell your host that you don't need to be entertained and you're flexible with plans. Once you are there, offer to help with small tasks in the home or kitchen. During an extended stay, offer to purchase groceries or supplies. And be sure to continually express your gratitude.

When packing for the stay, plan ahead and bring everything you may need. A home will have creature comforts but it's not a hotel. And you don't want to depend on your host for every single thing. A good host will show you around, tell you where items are located and ask if you need anything. They want you to be comfortable just as much as you want to be an effortless guest.

Be sure to bring a small gift of appreciation and present it to your host the very first day. The longer the visit, the nicer the gift should be. A bottle of wine is always a great gift. A luxurious hand soap, candle or any home-related item will be appreciated after a weekend visit. Personalized gifts such as monogrammed paper napkins or bar towels are an extra touch. If flying or luggage space is limited, treat your host by picking up the lunch or dinner tab.

During your visit, treat the space better than your own. A home is not a hotel. Make your presence invisible in the best sense; always make the bed first thing in the morning, wipe down bathroom sinks or showers and keep your items put away. Feel free to tell your host you are going to read, take a nap or go for a walk when appropriate. You shouldn't expect to be with them 24/7. Do your best to acclimate yourself to the home and the host's daily schedule.

After you get home, drop a thank you note in the mail. If your host was especially kind, go the extra step and send flowers or a small token to signify your deep appreciation. By acting as a gracious guest, you'll be invited back, time and time again.

' Lauren M.G. Burt is a communications professional and etiquette adviser based in the Midwest. She believes in the importance of embracing etiquette and a return to civility. Contact her with questions or comments at features@sourcemedia.net.