Great leaders hope for criticism

Everyone knows - or at least everyone should know - competitive sports help teach life lessons and skills.

How many times have I reminded readers of this?

I believe one of the most important skills learned through sports is leadership. Even non-starters can be good leaders for their teammates.

Think back to when you were competing or watching one of your kids participating. Maybe they had a bad practice, or didn’t listen to their coach. Maybe the result was a lashing by the coach in front of the team.

Did you or your child feel so embarrassed you wanted to quit? Or your child wanted to quit? Did you or your child never want to experience that again?

The problem wasn’t the coaching. The problem was mixing up the received feedback with the worth of your personhood, when your ego made it almost impossible to accept the feedback.

Motivational speaker Jake Thompson of Compete Every Day calls this the “Identity-Performance Confusion” and says this is killing your growth as a leader.

“Who you are is not what you do,” he said. “What you do – manage, sell, present, coach, write (or compete) is a skill. All skills can be improved. When you tie your identity to your performance, you create an impossible game where every piece of feedback becomes a threat to your worth.”

Thompson explains that every time you receive feedback, you face what he calls “The Competitor’s Choice” – will you compete to get better or will you protect your ego?

“Most leaders choose protection,” he said. “They avoid feedback, make excuses when things go wrong, or get defensive when someone points out areas for improvement…But competitors understand feedback is data, not judgement.

“Elite performers don’t just tolerate feedback – they hunt for it. Why? Because they’ve separated their skills from their identity.”

In a LinkedIn post, Thompson lists three steps to separate skills from worth.

– Reframe the language. Stop saying “I’m terrible at presentations” and start saying “My presentation skills need work.” The first attacks your identity, the second identifies an opportunity.

– Track skills like statistics. Athletes don’t take a bad shooting night personally. They study film and adjust their technique. “Treat your leadership skills the same way. Bad quarter? Study the tape and extract lessons.”

– Welcome productive friction. Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth. Average performers want to be left alone, great performers want to be coached. Elite performers want to be told the truth even when it stings.

“When leaders confuse who they are with how they perform, three things happen – (they) stop growing, (the) team stops growing, and (you) model the wrong behavior,” Thompson said. “Your team watches how you respond to setbacks. When you take feedback personally, you teach them to do the same.”

Understand that your real competition isn’t the athlete on the other side of the field or your own teammates. It’s you – “yesterday’s version competing with today’s version.”

Separating skills from worth makes it possible for feedback to become your ally instead of your enemy. Each critique becomes knowledge you can use to improve upon yesterday’s performance. You always will receive feedback. Will you use it to compete or to hide?

Choose competition.

Nancy Justis is a partner with Justis Creative Communications and the founder of Iowa Youth Sports Initiative. Contact her at najustis120150@gmail.com