Hawkeyes facing a defenseless foe

If Iowa's football team loses at Minnesota Saturday, it should be closed for repairs.

Broadcast reruns of the Hawkeyes' wins over Michigan and Michigan State last season, give everyone refunds for tickets they bought to see those two opponents come to Kinnick Stadium on the next two Saturdays, and rent out Kinnick those days for corporate events or children's parties.

Four different Big Ten programs have had winless conference records in the last 30 years. But this group of Gophers is on an early pace to become perhaps the worst Big Ten team since the 1981 Northwestern squad that went 0-11 and was outscored 505-82.

Dennis Green coached that team. Presumably, he never screamed “We are who we thought we were!”

This year's Minnesota isn't 505-82 bad, and does own a 29-23 victory over Miami (Ohio). But in Big Ten play ... oh boy.

Michigan 58, Gophers 0. Purdue 48, Gophers 17. Nebraska 41, Gophers 14. Bo Pelini showed some tender mercy in that last game. His Huskers led 34-0 at halftime, then coasted to their showdown against Michigan State this morning in Lincoln.

For those in the Twin Cities that want to see two good teams Saturday, go 233 miles to the northwest. In the FCS' Game of the Year to date, second-ranked Northern Iowa plays No. 3 North Dakota State in the Fargodome.

Of course, Gophers fans have seen enough of NDSU, having watched the Bison beat Minnesota 37-24 last month.

Yes, any team can rise up for a day and play a spirited game. Yes, those are scholarship players Minnesota is putting on the TCF Bank Stadium field Saturday afternoon.

No, Iowa can take no one lightly with its defense, which gave up 414 yards to Indiana last week. Indiana. A team with no wins against FBS teams. A team that was using a first-year freshman quarterback making his first start.

No, Iowa hasn't won a road game in a year and 13 days as of Saturday.

No matter. Iowa has no excuse not to win. None. Anything resembling a nail-biter tells us this November could be even colder for the Hawkeyes than than the one last year, which was unceremoniously capped with a 27-24 loss at Minnesota.

You can't lose to a team that is allowing 489 yards per Big Ten game and is gaining just 215.

You can't lose to a team that is surrendering 309 rushing yards per Big Ten game.

You can't lose to a team that is allowing 48 points per Big Ten game and is scoring just 10.

You can't lose this game if you want to go to a bowl game better than the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas.

Here's what Iowa Coach Kirk Ferentz said Tuesday in trying to give the Gophers some credibility:

“Special teams-wise is probably the top feature for them right now. Leading the Big Ten in kickoff coverage. Gives you the indication of the attitude of a football team. They're working hard at it.”

One small problem. Since it doesn't score much, Minnesota doesn't kick off much.

The cold reality is Tim Brewster left behind a mess and it's going to take new Gophers coach Jerry Kill a while to get things patched up, if he's capable.

Kill has a seven-year contract, so spare him your pity. He would still be at Northern Illinois if Minnesota's program hadn't been in disarray.

College football is a business. If you can, you kick your competition when it's down. If you don't, it won't be long before you're the one getting kicked.

(Thanks to

mgoblog.com for the gif)