Big Ten bowls could get big-name lemons

We're told Purdue is fired up to beat Iowa Saturday because a victory would make the Boilermakers bowl-eligible.

Ssssh. Don't kill the Boilermakers' buzz by telling them the percentage of FBS teams that are bowl-eligible at season's end is roughly the same as the percentage of American citizens 18 and older that are eligible to vote.

Cobble together a 5-6 record against fellow FBS teams, beat an FCS team of your choosing like Tennessee Tech, and you qualify for a bowl. Yay, team!

If the Boilermakers knock off the Hawkeyes and give both teams 6-5 records, the players can gather at midfield after the game and congratulate each other. Both would be eligible to play for a Houston bowl that contains the name of a car care chain, or a Dallas bowl that contains the name of an online ticket broker, or a Detroit bowl that contains the name of a pizza franchise.

But with another regular-season game to play next week, both teams could fall upward. Because they're in the Big Ten, and the Big Ten has a couple of storied programs that have turned toxic.

The scandals at Ohio State and Penn State aren't the least bit similar, but neither is quite the bowl-attraction they were 1, 5, 10 or 25 years ago. If you're one of the Big Ten's affiliated bowls beneath the Rose, Capital One and Outback in the league's pecking order, the prospect of getting OSU or PSU probably makes you sweat instead of salivate.

If I'm associated with the Insight Bowl, my first concern is not being linked to the Fiesta Bowl's independent internal investigation that found widespread misuse of bowl funds, including the reimbursement of employees for campaign contributions. Then, I'm hoping there is an untarnished Big Ten team that I'm free to choose over Penn State or Ohio State.

The Nittany Lions and Buckeyes would put up a bigger television rating than an Iowa, Northwestern or Purdue, and they'll probably draw better than the latter two of those three. But PSU and OSU will bring troubles along with them. Especially Penn State.

The bowl game that “invites” Penn State ... good luck with that. Good luck selling those bowl souvenirs with Penn State's name and logo on them along with the other team's. Good luck putting on a happy face at the public luncheon the day before the game as you say how great it is to have Penn State come to your fine city.

When I was in State College last month for the Iowa-Penn State game, I took a walk on campus in the hours before the game. The sun beamed down on a beautiful day. When someone affiliated with Chevrolet offered me a free ball cap with Penn State (and Chevy) logos, I took it without guilt, though I drive a Toyota.

Hey, the sun was in my eyes and a cap's a cap. I wore it the rest of the time I was outdoors that afternoon.

That cap is now stashed away at my house, and will probably stay out of sight. Wearing it in public outside of Pennsylvania is just asking to be insulted.

For a change, it seems unlikely any name-brand bowl will crave Ohio State, either. In a miserable off-field year for OSU football and with a team that may finish with its worst record in 10 years, Buckeye fans may want to skip this year's bowl game and be done with the season. Especially if OSU loses at Michigan next Saturday.

So should either Iowa or Purdue finish 7-5 this season, they would be teams a bowl could invite without holding its nose. If you're into having a bowl game with 7-5 or 6-6 teams, that is.