Tory Taylor has given Hawkeyes a 7-mile head start toward victory

Obviously, Iowa punter Tory Taylor has been the difference-maker in many wins his team has earned over these last four years.

This week, Taylor was named the Big Ten Special Teams Player of the Week for the third time this season and sixth in his career. Without him, the Hawkeyes are headed to the Guaranteed Rate Bowl or some other wretched postseason nonentity.

His stats and deft touch are the stuff of legend, at least in Iowa. My favorite Taylor number is that, with three games still to play, he has punted for 12,647 yards as a Hawkeye after never witnessing a college football game in his life.

That’s over 7 miles of punts. Which is a long way. How long is it? It’s so long …

Taylor’s punts would go all the way from Kinnick Stadium to Geek City Games and Comics in North Liberty.

He has punted the length of San Francisco. And the width of San Francisco.

You’d have to drive 60 mph for seven minutes to cover the distance.

They would fly over the entire length of the Seven Mile Bridge in the Florida Keys or 7 Mile Island in New Jersey.

Taylor’s career punting distance is longer than a 10-kilometer run. Or a 10K walk, for that matter. Never run when you can walk. Never walk when you can stand. And so forth.

Those punts put together are longer than the width of the asteroid that hit Earth and killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago, though no eyewitnesses have confirmed it.

Taylor’s punts have covered enough distance for almost three full laps at Daytona or Indianapolis, and over six at Iowa Speedway.

Enough, also, to go from downtown Minneapolis to downtown St. Paul. Enough to almost reach Washington State University from the University of Idaho. Enough to cover the average distance a pro soccer midfielder runs during a game.

The punts’ total distance is longer than the depth of the deepest known area of the world’s oceans.

If you hear thunder 35 seconds after you see a lightning flash, the combined length of Taylor’s punts is how far the lightning is from you. Stay inside, anyway.

How far have Taylor’s punts traveled? About the same distance as Stephanie Boyd of Vinita Park, Mo., allegedly drove at reckless speeds in September while her husband was clinging to the car’s hood. That’s more dangerous than football.

Taylor’s 274 punts have totaled the same distance as Seven Mile Casino in Chula Vista, Calif., is from San Diego. And Tijuana.

His punts have nothing to do with 7 Miles Smokehouse in Chillicothe, Ohio. That restaurant got its name because owner Greg Miles and his wife have five children, and now I’m hungry for barbecue.

The career punting distance of Taylor is 2.3 miles longer than the passing yardage of all-time Hawkeyes leader Chuck Long, over three times as far as the yardage of all-time Iowa rushing leader Sedrick Shaw, and over 5 miles further than the receiving yardage of Iowa all-time leader Marvin McNutt.

If all of Taylor’s punts were stitched together into one, it would go from sea level to the 29,032-foot summit of Mount Everest and another 8,909 feet beyond that. If you’re the return man, let that one bounce rather than try to fair catch it.

Combined, those punts almost cross the Mediterranean Sea from the southern tip of Spain to the northern tip of Morocco, which would make a nice vacation for them.

The punts cover a longer distance than the round-trip Abraham Lincoln walked to return a 3-cent overcharge to a customer at the dry goods store in which Honest Abe worked in New Salem, Ill.

The average hang time for an NFL punt is 4.4 seconds. Let’s say that’s what Taylor has averaged, though it may be conservative. That means his punts have been airborne for over 20 minutes.

That’s longer than the flight Kylie Jenner took last year from Camarillo, Calif., to Van Nuys, Calif., via private jet.

All of Taylor’s punts, however, would cover only 1/42nd of the drive from Iowa City to Lincoln, Neb., You’d still have a long, mundane drive left to get to Friday’s Iowa-Nebraska game.

Kylie Jenner might question your station in life. Not for being unable to afford a private jet, but for spending Black Friday in Nebraska rather than Beverly Hills.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com