Catastrophic Offensive Repair Needs? Everyone’s eyeballing Brian-O-Meter

With just one-twelfth of this regular-season completed, Iowa has plenty of time to turn Brian Ferentz’s designated performance objective (DPO) from a curse to a blessing.

How’s that for glass-half-full?

It may still turn out that then-Iowa athletic director Gary Barta left the Iowa football program a parting gift when he amended Hawkeye foottball offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz’s contract in February.

Necessity, after all, is the mother of invention. You can quote me on that.

The most-famous stipulation in College Sports 2023 is Iowa needing to win seven games and average 25 points this season or Ferentz’s contract will “terminate” on June 30, 2024. Many assume that would mean getting fired, but it’s also possible a new contract or position would be negotiated.

What an awkward situation that would thrust Iowa interim athletic director Beth Goetz into. Welcome to Iowa. We do things a little different here.

If Iowa roars past 25 points per game, it will be happy-happy-joy-joy. The Hawkeyes would have a competent offense, and people nationwide will have noticed largely because of that DPO.

Until that happens — and heaven knows it should since 25 points a game would have ranked a mere 85th in the nation last year — it’s an albatross.

Had the Hawkeyes hung a fat number on Utah State last Saturday, the needle on the Brian-O-Meter would have risen higher than the earth’s temperature. National jokes about Iowa’s offense would have morphed into begrudging praise or something in that vicinity.

Iowa did win, but by 24-14. It scored a paltry 10 points over the game’s final three quarters at home against a mid-pack Mountain West Conference team. It averaged a measly 2.4 yards per rush.

The Hawkeyes’ defense didn’t score against the Aggies. Those were points Iowa relied heavily on a year ago.

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So after one game, the DPO is in the curse range, albeit barely. And the nation is noticing.

Ryan Nanni of a new news website called The Messenger calls Iowa’s 25 points/7 wins requirement for Ferentz the Catastrophic Offensive Repair Needs, or C.O.R.N. for short.

CBSsports.com has published an Iowa football scores tracker. It also is projecting the Hawkeyes’ points for each game, and comes up with 267, which would be an average of just 22.3.

USA Today called Ferentz one of the losers in Week 1’s winners and losers. And the Hawkeyes won the game!

Ohio State’s offense was among those losers, too, and the Buckeyes won a Big Ten game on the road by 20 points. Tough crowd.

Speaking of Ohio State, THE Podcast features veteran reporters who cover The Ohio State University’s football team. They spent several minutes Monday with a segment they called the Brian Ferentz Survivor Show, and co-host Doug Lesmerises told me it may spin off into a stand-alone 15-minute show each week.

Anyway, Iowa needs to drop a big offensive hammer on Western Michigan next Saturday. It also wouldn’t hurt the DPO if the Hawkeyes score way more at Iowa State this week than the seven points they got against the Cyclones last year in Iowa City.

They better get their OC some DPO cushion above that 25-point average before Big Ten play begins because, well, it’s the Big Ten.

After Week 1, Iowa’s 24 points actually tops five other Big Ten teams including ... hold on to something for this ... Ohio State.

That’s right. The Buckeyes defeated Indiana 23-3. Minnesota beat Nebraska, 13-10. Northwestern had a mere seven points at Rutgers.

The average point total for all Big Ten teams is 24.6. But help is on the way. Next year’s Big Ten newbies, Oregon, UCLA, USC and Washington, scored a combined 230 points Saturday for an average of 57.5.

Wait until they play Big Ten defenses, right? Uh, I’ve seen that movie before. Pac-12 teams have averaged 39 points over their last seven Rose Bowl appearances, and six were against Big Ten teams.

Ah, that’s next year. Right now, Iowa has to start topping 25. This is one time many in River City want a dam to break.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com