State of Mind: Don’t let social media define, shape holiday expectations

An interesting dynamic around holidays has evolved over the past several years, and it’s happened quickly.

It’s easy to forget that most social media platforms weren’t just not as popular 20 years ago as they are today — most didn’t exist 20, 15 or even 10 years ago. The exploration of how social media impacts our day-to-day lives — including the dramatic effects on mental health — is perhaps just beginning to truly unfold. But particularly during this time of year, it’s important to reflect on how social media has shifted and shaped how we experience and perceive both the holiday season and our preparations for the New Year.

Scrolling through social media feeds, it’s almost inevitable to be flooded with depictions of beautifully decorated homes, elaborate gifts laid under ornate trees and the smiling faces of families that seem to be absent any worries. Similarly, as the calendar nears closer to the New Year, those feeds are likely to become overwhelmed by reflections of a successful year, glowingly optimistic refrains for the year to come and exuberant celebrations that look fit for a movie.

  Buy Photo

Unfortunately, within this context, two things can collide that have the potential to wreak havoc on mental health. On one hand is the constant pressure that results from that nature of social media. Other sources like idyllic movies, advertisements and even the nostalgia of years past can add to the pressure. To be certain, a media machine — of which many of us play an active role — exists to make people feel like whatever we have and whatever we’re doing is not enough. We’re bombarded with both covert and blatant messages that pressure us to feel like we want and need more.

At the same time, perhaps even because of the outside influences, the holiday season can often become overloaded with expectations. It’s not uncommon to want days to look a certain way, include specific people, or encompass specific traditions and activities. It’s also a time of year that is frequently laden with lofty aspirations that can easily morph into even more ambitious expectations, masquerading as New Year’s resolutions.

This collision of expectations and pressure can be a cataclysmic moment for many people’s mental health. If you find yourself locked in that battle, it’s important to be aware of the source of the pressure and be intentional about alleviating it. For example, if it’s social media, consider setting limits on the time you spend scrolling and be cognizant that you’re not seeing reality but rather a deliberate, idealistic portrayal that others want you to see.

Studies have shown several other ideas to be helpful. For example, being intentional about practicing gratitude and thankfulness can reduce stress, lower risks of depression and anxiety, and lead to increased feelings of optimism and life satisfaction. Honoring traditions while embracing flexibility and taking breaks throughout the season to practice self-care can improve overall well-being. And rather than aiming exclusively for grandiose changes, setting clear, realistic, attainable goals that focus on that which we can control can lessen self judgment and increase self-confidence and self-esteem.

Perhaps the biggest step we can all take — at this time of year as well as any other — is to practice compassion, both for ourselves and others. To acknowledge that there is no ideal, let alone perfection. To understand that we’re all doing the best we can with what we have and where we’re at — mentally, physically and emotionally. Ultimately, we can choose to be content with overwhelming joy and gratitude for blessings, empathy for challenges, and understanding and support for ourselves and those around us.

Bryan Busch is a licensed mental health counselor in Cedar Rapids. He can be reached at bryan@folience.com.