Commit to be Fit: The language of love

With Valentine’s Day upon us, you may be focused on the people you love and the relationships that are meaningful to you. Feeling connected with others is vital to our mental and emotional well-being, and even our survival.

To help a relationship thrive, it’s important to know about different “love languages.” Whether it’s your significant other, parent, child, friend, or co-worker, Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned author of “The Five Love Languages,” discovered that everyone “speaks” a primary love language.

Q: Why are love languages so important?

A: My husband often asks me to “set him up for a home run.” The way I can do this is by letting him know exactly what to do to meet my expectations. Knowing one’s preferred love language — and being able to communicate it to your partner — is comparable to setting them up for a home run.

Q: What if my love language is different from my partners?

A: That’s fine. It doesn’t have to be the same. If your partner isn’t speaking your love language, it’s your responsibility to be the translator. For example, if your husband’s love language is physical Touch, but your love language is acts of service, let him know that helping you around the house is the best way for him to say “I love you.”

If your partner's love language is not your primary love language, it can feel unnatural for you to showcase your love in their preferred way. That’s OK. Practice will help you get better. The important thing is that you are trying.

Q: How can I figure out my love language?

A: Take this quick, free assessment to discover your love language at 5LoveLanguages.com. Quizzes are also available to help you identify your child or teenager’s love language.

Q: What are the love languages?

A: There are five love languages:

1. Words of affirmation. If this is your love language, you appreciate positive and affirming words. It can be as formal as nice words shared in a card, or as simple as your loved one saying, “Thank you for taking out the garbage,” or a compliment, “You always make me laugh!”

2. Gifts. You thrive on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind any gifts you receive. A thoughtful gift says to you, “They were thinking about me.” It’s important to note that gifts don’t have to be expensive to the person whose love language is gifts.

3. Acts of service. This is anything a person does to ease the burden of the responsibilities of another: cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service. If this is your love language, the most meaningful thing you like to hear from a loved one is, "Let me do that for you."

4. Quality time. If this is your love language, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention — your loved one paying attention to you with the TV off, phone put away, and all other tasks on standby. Quality time means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

5. Physical touch. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, making love, are all expressions of love and will foster a sense of security and belonging to those who speak this love language.

The key take-away: Spend time discovering your love language and communicate that knowledge to your loved ones. Healthy relationships, whether romantic, friendships, or familial, make life healthier and happier. Love is the closest thing we have to magic.

Here’s hoping you have a “magical” February.

Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of the Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org