A Family Affair: Practice gratitude with your friends

My family and I are moving into a new house. Moving is the worst. Even though we hired movers, packing, unpacking and finding new places to put everything is exhausting. I’ve promptly passed out in bed early every night for the past week.

My wife’s and my families are not from Iowa. When we bought this new house, I think that they realized that we were committed to staying in Iowa. Sometimes I think that they have a hard time understanding this. My wife’s family lives in Florida close to the beach. To them, they can’t imagine being anywhere else. My family lives in Utah. They love to hike and ski, and though these activities exist in Iowa, it’s not the same.

Why do we stay? I really enjoy my job and so does my wife. This is what brought us both to Iowa in the first place. But that’s not the reason.

Iowa is a pretty affordable place to live. It’s hard to imagine our budget getting us a similar house in either Florida or Utah. But that’s not it either.

What’s the reason we stay in Iowa? The community.

Though moving has been exhausting, anytime I need help, I can text any number of friends who will do what they can to show up. When we moved the first time, these same friends showed up on New Year’s Day to paint. And they stayed until the job was finished.

Some of these friends we have met through work. Others are our neighbors. But however we’ve met them, all of them have contributed to us staying in Iowa.

I know this column is supposed to be about giving advice about relationships, but I want to do something a bit different today. Research has shown how important gratitude is to relationships. Acknowledging the things that those closest to us do for us is key to maintain and growing relationships.

So, if you’ll indulge me, I’m going to practice what I preach.

Liz, Michael, Jeremy, Jan, Kristi, Ali, Cody, Rebecca, Alison, Liz, Nathan, Hayley, Kyle, Volker, Edie, Elsabeth, Matt, Vosatka, Gerta, Jermey, Kelly, Kayla, Betsy and Levi — thank you! Thanks for being reliable, kind and lots of fun. Thank you for loving our son and all our cats. Thanks for showing up when we needed you. You’ve put the kindness in “Iowa nice.”

If you are going to take away anything from this column, maybe think about the friends that you’d count on if you were going to move. And maybe, find a way to let them know how much you appreciate them.

Jacob Priest is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a professor in the University of Iowa College of Education. He is also the co-host of the Attached Podcast. Comments: priestjb@gmail.com