Iowa vs. Indiana predictions: How Hlastradamus and America are picking Saturday’s game

When a college football game matches two ranked teams, lots of birdies start chirping.

Everyone from sparrows to seagulls to swans to swallows have opinions on Saturday’s Indiana-Iowa game. And as you all know, picking Major League Soccer winners just isn’t quite as much fun. Although, go with the Columbus Crew to cover Saturday night against Orlando City SC.

Hlastradamus, who hasn’t been wrong about anything since Nebraska dropped its football program a few years ago, says the Hawkeyes will win, 31-17.

That’s more than the 3.5 points Indiana is getting. That’s more than anyone else who has an actual job writing about sports is forecasting. The prophet doesn’t care, nor does he pander.

He thinks the game will be a grunt-and-groan affair for three quarters and into the fourth, then the Hawkeyes will loosen things up in the final six or seven minutes with a defensive play leading to a score for the two-touchdown margin.

Before sharing how all the mortals on this particular planet are picking Indiana-Iowa, here are Hlastradamus’ other Week 1 selections:

Penn State +5.5 at Wisconsin

Has Wisconsin fully recovered from scoring a total of 20 points over a three-game Big Ten stretch last year?

Beating Wake Forest in the Duke’s Mayo Bowl couldn’t have gotten rid of all the bad taste in the Badgers’ mouths, although shattering the trophy after the game was a nice touch.

UTSA +5.5 at Illinois

The UTSA Roadrunners have 21 starters back from last year’s 7-5 team.

The soothsayer’s question: Where’s the 22nd guy?

More importantly, though, is that one of the 21 returnees is running back Sincere McCormick. Besides owning one of the best names in college football, he rushed for 1,490 yards in 2020, and 5.9 yards per carry.

His mother’s name is Precious Thompson. He has a daughter named Legacy Love Precious McCormick. He missed one of UTSA’s games last year to be present for her birth or he would have even more yards.

How can you pick against Sincere McCormick and his baby girl, Legacy Love Precious?

UCLA +3 vs. LSU

Hey, it’s at the Rose Bowl and UCLA has a game under its belt.

It’s abnormal for an SEC team to be playing in Pasadena, especially in September. Just like it was abnormal for LSU to play Wisconsin in Green Bay in 2016 when the Tigers were 11-point favorites and lost, 16-14.

LSU was pretty good two years ago, though, you have to admit that.

Clemson -3 vs. Georgia

Clay Travis picks Georgia to win. Hlastradamus is breaking his centuries-old vow never to mention Clay Travis only so he can list this reason why he’s picking Clemson.

Speaking of mere mortals, here’s how others around your planet are picking Indiana-Iowa:

J. Brady McCullough, Los Angeles Times: Indiana, 27-23

Bill Bender, Sporting News: Iowa, 23-20

Pat Forde, Sports Illustrated: Indiana, 28-27

Kevin McGuire, Athlon Sports: Iowa, 23-18

Bob Wojnowski, Detroit News: Iowa, 27-20

Stewart Mandel, The Athletic: Indiana, 21-17

Ralph D. Russo, Associated Press: Iowa, 28-23

Pete Fiutak, Yahoo Sports: Iowa, 27-20

Chris “The Bear” Fallica, ESPN: Iowa to cover as a 3-point favorite

Bill Connelly, ESPN: Iowa, 28-21

Mark Blaudschun, Sports Illustrated: Iowa, 31-27

Sam McKewon, Omaha World Herald: Iowa, 24-20

Geoff Clark, USA TODAY: Iowa, 30-21

Rich Murawski, Clearfield (Pa.) Progress: Iowa, 26-20

Mike Schumann, The Daily Hoosier: Indiana, 27-21

The Daily Iowan: Six of the seven panelists pick Iowa to win. The other, Chloe Peterson, says “I just want chaos.” I don’t know Chloe, but I’m with her.

Give me the team buses rolling up to Kinnick backward.

Give me Melrose Avenue vendors selling reindeer sausage and fresh salmon instead of Big Ass Turkey Legs and whatever else it is they sell.

Give me Kacey Musgraves’ “Slow Burn” instead of AC/DC’s “Back in Black.”

Work with me here, people. Work with Chloe!

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com