The many joys of aging

Samuel Clemens once said: “Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.” For the most part, I believe he was correct. I mean if you’re lucky enough to make it to retirement, there are myriad opportunities to enjoy oneself. One of my favorites is folding laundry. It didn’t used to be, but lately we’ve been doing a load or two every couple of days. In fact, I’ve found that I only really need two pairs of jeans, a few pairs of underwear and socks, a sweatshirt, and some tees. I’ve always been a very casual dresser (never a clotheshorse or a suit-and-tie persona). And I’m considering donating all of my other wardrobe to Goodwill (that is if they’ll take it).

Some of my other favorites are hospital stays and doctor visits. Operations like hernia surgeries, rotator cuff repairs, hip replacements, triple bypasses, and stents are hoots! And my personal favorite: colonoscopies (loads of laughs and the prep is quite stimulating). In addition, time passes so quickly when you’re a septuagenarian like me and my wife Barbara. I’m into my seventh year in that category and Barb just entered her second. Whether octogenarians are in our future is pretty much up for grabs. I’m thinking highly unlikely, but you never can tell!

Also high on my list of enjoyable retirement activities is watching the morning newscasts both local and national. Ever so much fun! The political news is especially enjoyable. Seeing how much our elected officials care about our well-being and the fate of our planet. And how they diligently do the jobs they were elected to do throughout their full term in office instead of focusing on their re-election before half the term is finished. Knowing that they have “we the people” as their priority and aren’t just kowtowing to their party bases and lobbyists and special interests — they’re there for us, the common folk, who actually make everything work in our democracy and pay their six-figure salaries. Knowing that always puts smiles on our faces over our morning coffee. But a word of advice: refrain from taking your blood pressure while watching — it can be rather unnerving.

And of course another perk of the aging process is the joy of popping pills — all sizes, colors, textures and flavors! It seems like the longer you live, the more pills are necessary. At least that’s what the pharmaceutical companies tell us. And we’re all very thankful that they’re so philanthropic and don’t charge exorbitant prices for drugs that aren’t that expensive to create.

Several other institutions that lift our spirits daily spring to mind. We’ve lived long enough to see the oil companies raise prices at the pump to unprecedented highs (I still remember 24-cent gas) all the while knowing what fossil fuels have done and continue to do to the environment while actively discouraging alternatives. Always makes me smile.

And of course the tobacco industry, realizing what their product was doing to their customers for decades, but continuing to downplay the dangers completely. Joe Camel was such a lovable character — I‘m sure the kids who they were targeting still miss him terribly. So thoughtful of them to include 12-year-olds in their ad campaigns.

And finally, the chemical companies whose pesticides and herbicides continue to devastate our waterways and our health while they dismiss organic options as inadequate. But not to worry — the human body is only 60% water, and our brains just 95%. So who needs clean, non-toxic water anyway?

Yesiree, all you youngsters out there, old age is something you can definitely look forward to– loads of laughs, providing you live long enough. Better take that to heart.

Sam Clemens is also quoted as saying “If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it.” But you know what? Maybe we can change that! So let’s vote for the planet and for ourselves this November.

Like I’ve always said: You never can tell.

Tom Gingerich lives in Kalona.