The heart-wrenching reality of domestic violence

I am angry. And I am sad. A stat just came across my desk documenting how many people have been killed in Iowa by an intimate partner since 1995. 257. This number isn't staggering if you think about the time frame. 11 years. No big deal, right? Would it be more shocking if I said that almost half those deaths were shooting deaths? Or that 26 children died at the same time a parent was killed? How about that a third of the women were in the process of, or had already left, their abuser at the time of their death? There is this to consider as well - while these individuals were enduring the abuse, very few people, if any, knew.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Part of awareness is learning what Domestic Violence is. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, domestic violence includes physical, sexual, and psychological violence, as well as emotional abuse. Part of awareness is knowing the statistics - 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to grow up to be in abusive relationships or become abusers themselves. Almost half victims won't leave a dangerous situation if they are forced to leave a family pet behind. Part of awareness is knowing how you can help in your local area.

In South Eastern Iowa, The Domestic Violence Intervention Program serves 8 counties - Johnson, Iowa, Cedar, Washington, Des Moines, Henry, Lee, and Van Buren. In Iowa City and our surrounding area, communities know about our emergency shelter for women and children. But did you also know that DVIP has a robust outreach program with advocates that meet victims in the hospital? That they help victims navigate a confusing and, oftentimes, unsupportive legal system? We offer support groups and assistance for those no longer in immediate danger who are trying to rebuild their lives; we have a housing program that helps our clients not only find safe, permanent housing, but also provides over $5000 in direct aid each month to financially assist our clients, whether the need be utilities, deposits for housing, or rental assistance.

Our October events this year are varied. We have had the opportunity to visit Board of Supervisors and City Councils in every county in our service area, to proclaim October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month - a bittersweet accomplishment as a woman was gunned down by her abuser in Lee County just last weekend - 5 days after the Lee County Board of Supervisors read their Proclamation. We are working hand in hand with The Washington County Domestic Violence Coalition to bring awareness in that county - ribbons denoting the men and women who will be affected in Washington County will be displayed over the course of the month in their town square. We are Shopping for Shelter and Safety in many of our communities, partnering with HyVees in Burlington, Mount Pleasant Pleasant, Ft Madison, Keokuk, Iowa City, and Coralville, and Wal-Mart in Washington to gather donations from shoppers for our shelter and clients - if you need it at your house, we need it in ours.

Conversations about Domestic Violence aren't easy. But as a community, we need to come together to talk about how we can help victims; about how we can foster healthy relationships among children to stop the cycle of violence in families; about how we can support Domestic Violence agencies in our community - financially and beyond. Many programs are stretched thin - DVIP is. We rely on volunteers heavily to assist where we just don't have adequate staffing. We rely on staff to do much more than their 40 hours a week should require - in a field of work that is heart-wrenching. We rely on financial donations to pick up where our government funding lags - to provide comfort in our shelter where 300 people lived last year. To gas up the vehicles our advocates spend over 15 hours per month in, covering over 700 miles in South Eastern Iowa to reach our clients.

Learn more at dvipiowa.org. We need - rely on - our communities for your ongoing support. Together, we can minimize the number of fatalities over the next 11 years so that 257 can remain a number in the past.

' Missie Forbes is development director for the Domestic Violence Intervention Program in Iowa City. More information: (800) 373-1043; www.dvipiowa.org