The death of the ideal ‘man bun’

Man buns.

They are the most inane and horrific man fashion trend to hit America since the dark days when Crocs were created. Walking across my college campus, I shudder in revulsion at 'man-bun wannabes.” Only truly desperate women pine over these Romeos, not realizing they are a cheap imitation of the ideal man-bun wearer.

A man bun used to mean something. The man bun says, 'I'm a dreamer. I write poetry while sitting under a tree and watching bunnies frolic through the meadow.” Guys with man buns used to be a rare breed, and that's how it should have remained. Today, I can't even walk the short distance to my classes without the fear of tripping over yet another hipster too engrossed in writing a love sonnet. When you become over-familiarized with something, it becomes normal and boring. The man bun used to carry a sexy and mysterious appeal. These days, apparently every man believes he have the right to one. What possesses a man into believing that these are attractive, or even acceptable, in everyday society?

The man bun was never intended to be a fashion statement for all men. Its purpose was to help hot celebrities, like Chris Hemsworth and Jared Leto, further distance themselves from the rest of us commoners by appearing more elite. You think I'm kidding. History says otherwise. The first recording of the man bun was around 1300 CE. The Maori had a few men of a 'certain high status” that would wear their hair in a 'tikitiki,” which is basically a man bun. The man bun has often been referred to as the 'warrior's hairstyle,” since it was worn throughout history by many generals and samurais. It is even worn by Buddha.

I was going to remain quiet and let this 'phase” pass into obscurity, which is the direction all foolish trends inevitably go. However, while innocently browsing through Pinterest I spotted a mini man bun fedora. I was livid. Has all respect for the man bun disappeared?

There used to be higher standards.

' Breanna Kooiman is a junior studying English Education at Dordt College in Sioux Center. Comments: breannakooiman@gmail.com