Supporting victims of intimate partner violence during the holidays

One evening in December a woman arrived on the doorstep of the Domestic Violence Intervention Program (DVIP)'s shelter house. The woman was not unlike many before her: she was seeking assistance from an abusive situation. The woman and her four children left their home with the clothes they were wearing, and the shelter was the only safe place for them to turn. That evening DVIP and its shelter provided the family safe housing, just as the shelter had provided to 400 women and children earlier that year. However, this night was different: It was Christmas Eve.

After the family had dinner together and the children were asleep in their beds, DVIP staff found the woman distraught. She was upset because the next day was Christmas and she didn't have any gifts to offer her kids. DVIP staff took her to their 'holiday store,” a place for parents to select gifts for their children. Thoughtful and generous members of our community donate gifts to the holiday store each year. When the sun rose on Christmas morning, the children awoke to gifts addressed to each of them, a little something to make a difficult situation better.

The holidays are a busy time of year for everyone. For many, it's a time of celebration and happiness. For victims of intimate partner violence, this time of year can be dark and frightening. With an increased focus on family, the holidays can be an especially difficult time of year to leave an abusive relationship. Leaving might mean breaking up a family, separating children from a parent. It might also mean that the victim departs without any financial resources, such as funds to secure a lease to attain safe housing or money to buy Christmas gifts.

It is likely that someone you know has experienced abuse. One in three women, one in four men, and one in two trans individuals experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Intimate partner violence is about power and control. Possessiveness, jealousy, making excuses for partner's behavior, withdrawing from family and friends, or unexplained marks or injuries are signs that someone in your life is experiencing abuse. Our first reaction may be to save or rescue the person, but it is never that simple. Instead, be supportive, non-judgmental, and listen. It is important that the person knows it's not their fault and that support - from you or others - exists. Also, consider how you can empower your friend to make his or her own decisions. For example, encourage them to call DVIP's free and confidential 24-hour hotline at (800) 373-1043.

DVIP services are not limited to the crisis line, emergency shelter, and holiday gifts. DVIP also provides services such as support groups, counseling services, referrals, and medical and legal advocacy to victims of domestic violence throughout Southeastern Iowa. In one year, DVIP will answer approximately 18,000 crisis/phone calls and provide more than 8,000 nights of safe shelter to about 400 women and children. If you believe someone you care about is experiencing abuse, encourage the person to reach out to DVIP, where they can talk to people who can provide help and guidance.

As a community, we can help, too. There are many ways to support victims and survivors this time of year. I am hosting a personal fundraiser to support DVIP so that DVIP can support our community. My goal of $1,000 will help one family attain safe housing, like the woman and her four children who sought shelter on Christmas Eve, which will allow them truly to celebrate the holiday season and the New Year. Your donation helps members of our community remain independent and safe from their abuser.

Another way to support victims of intimate partner violence this holiday season is to donate to DVIP's holiday store. DVIP has a holiday wish list that ensures that the individuals and families we serve can look forward to their own holiday. To learn more about DVIP, please visit: www.dvipiowa.org. The most important message to offer victims of intimate partner violence is that abuse is never their fault and that safety is possible.

' Abigail Matthews Rury is a member of the board of directors for the Domestic Violence Intervention Program,