Mother’s Day: Reward is found through the challenges

Being a mother is one the unique experiences a woman could ever have — but let’s be honest -it has rewards and challenges. They are kind of twofold — you do not get one without the other.

When talking about a challenge, it does not mean, “being a bad mother.” There are going to be moments where you might not know how to process what is going on and how to handle things. You do your best to hang on, because you are a mum and it is not a role where you get to decide to walk away like a job that you can quit anytime.

That unconditional love you feel. That selfless feeling. This is the instinct of Motherhood. “I love my baby, and I would do whatever it takes to protect him or her against anything, and I will never stop loving him.” That is motherhood.

The struggle of being a mother, at the same time, is what carries the reward. You do not get recognition or a statue of yourself, no ribbons or plaques to commemorate all of the hard days and the good days that you showed up for the most important role: Mum. But, you do get Mother’s Day. A special day to feel appreciated and to share that same feeling with other mothers in your life.

I know all of this because I am a mum. I have an amazing daughter. I know what it takes to get here. The road is hard and full of uncertainty.

In my situation, I wasn’t expecting to raise my child alone — but after changes in the relationship with my partner, I ended up being a single, pregnant woman and now a single mum. When I found out I was pregnant. I was very happy and very worried at the same time. I was happy because I was going to be a mum, and in my culture that is considered a blessing. I was also worried because I was a full-time student going to college, working full-time, and I had no family around. Trying to balance all of this, plus the emotions, plus the physical illness, it was a lot. I was all alone.

During my pregnancy, I was full of doubt. I was not sure about my feelings. I had no savings to prepare for my maternity leave and no support. My worries took over my feelings of happiness. This is a feeling many women have while they are expecting. It does not matter whether it is your first or second experience, because preparing to add another human being in your life will definitely shape your life. It is full of surprise and is an unknown adventure. You will have to make a lot of adjustments to make it work. Being a mum shapes the path of your life whether you plan it or not.

The first few months after giving birth, I felt like I missed all of my daughter’s milestones, but not because I was not paying attention. I missed them because I was busy worrying for both of us on how to survive. I hardly ever slept for more than two hours, I had no one to help me with my child, and worried how to pay my bills with no money to do it. On top of that, I honestly did not know how to handle my newborn. I knew that I loved her and would protect her, but I didn’t know exactly how to do things as I didn’t find parenting education until after she was born.

Despite all of the very, very hard experiences I had during and after my pregnancy. I feel proud as a mum today. I feel amazing. I feel strong. I feel I am a good mother even though I have had some challenging times. How hard I fought to protect and care for my daughter, and to keep feeling strong and her to see me happy no matter what was going on. Those are the rewards that the challenges of motherhood have allowed me to feel.

The reward of motherhood, to me, is when you look at your child and you see him or her innocently smiling at you. You feel like it is a thank you from them. I am also grateful for the challenges that came with my co-parenting relationship, even though times of his on and off support, it also has shown me how strong I am. Even though disappointments and challenges take place, we all have the opportunity to grow through the unexpected.

It is important to encourage women no matter where they are in their parenting and life journey. I am blessed to have found YPN support as a mom myself during times when I needed it. It is important to offer education and opportunities to women — so they can give the best to their child’s future. I am grateful for my current work role, to be able to help others in need of the same support & education that I needed.

Mothers are the roots of our society. Empowering women is the foundation to a better society.

Nicky Antina is a YPN parent educator serving families in our African refugee community in 2022. She is originally from Togo, West Africa, has studied social work. and has a 3-year-old daughter.